welcome.
hey there. life as a nurse is not easy, is NOT like what you saw on tv. is more complicated and difficult than that. but life doesn't let you down all the time. i still enjoy it. so...
just enjoy reading but due to my hectic schedule i won't be updating my blog so often. sorry for the inconvenience.
♥ DancingSheep
three cheers for me.
she is the one and only
Wen Sin. sometimes also goes by the name
Janet.
she gets older each year on 01 of Dec.
enjoys staring at the skies.
wish to touch the snow but scare of the cold.
currently taking nursing in Pantai College of Nursing and Health Science.
3:01:00 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I don’t know how to tell her, she just doesn’t understand.
The person who is talking to her all these time wasn’t me, just someone that looks like me.
I don’t want to be the bad girl, but I slowly see myself becoming one.
Why can’t I be someone that I’m not?
And where are the people when I need them the most?
Everyone is leading a life with a different destiny from one another.
My hearts says I’m the worst of all but I know its telling lies.
But I still feel for it, how blind can I be.
I love the skies as it makes me feel free, free of anything that could possibly destroy me.
The skies also make me feel small and unprotected in this harsh world.
I would rather choose to walk on the clouds than this cold tile floor.
If only I can make it there…
7:25:00 PM
Sunday, August 26, 2007
当梦结束之后，那就是悲伤的开始。。。Holidays ends just like that. It was so fast that it seems like it was just yesterday holidays started. I did some work during holidays, not good enough but at least I did something. Tomorrow is a new day, I wonder what it stores for me… Wish it could be more good than bad, I can't stand anymore heartbreak.
What will I miss the most when I leave this place? I wonder about that almost all the time…
It seems like I got no one there for me when I’m lost.
Maybe there is couple of friends whom I trusted the most.
Besides them…
I guess there’s no one else.
2:09:00 AM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Nothing special is going on except I felt that time had passes really fast these days. I seem to be very lack behind. When I think about how I cope with all my last minute studies for the past exams without sleeping much it kinda scares me, I remembered I was so damn tired that I cry everyday during the first week of exam.
Went for Frisbee in the morning, was kinda crazy and people are still haven’t jump out from this emo month. So, now I got more proof that August INDEED is an emo month. I had fun, screaming my lungs out as usual. And somebody actually thinks I’m a nurse already, so sorry I’m NOT YET a qualify one. Ate breakfast with 3 guys as the others went home and the whole scene was really weird. So quiet, but don’t know why I didn’t bother to break the ice between. Came home, rest a while and head off to Feli’s house for some accounts lessons till 6. Learned some stuff of course, sadly accounts still will one of my C’s in my SPM cert. I just hate it.
Went out for dinner since some plumber repaired auntie’s house sink and no dishes are allow to be wash there. Ate in parkway and I have to admit, the food was good and always good! I just got addicted to the food there! So DELICIOUS! Later went to Parade and I got my cousin belanja me some chocolates on sale. Is only 3 for RM 10! And the chocolates are all imported ones! I chose the bitter chocolate, just love the taste. I’m not a real chocoholic but once in a while I will dive in for chocolates, especially dark bitter chocolate!
Endless of seminars, tuitions, crash course to attend. I have to admit I hate exams, but with SPM just around the corner. I just love it when we students gather around and talks about exam and doing study group together. I will definitely miss those times in the future.
Thanks Feli for the time and the huge slice of homemade chocolate banana cake!
i hate accounts...
7:58:00 PM
Monday, August 20, 2007
I had fun staying in Fraser’s Hill for 2 days, I got really bad car sick on our way there. The weather was fine, but it was too cold for me especially at night. Is still very greenish with lots and lots of trees though it was kinda boring there since is not well develop. It good since it keeps the weather cool, the lowest temperature was 20 degree Celsius. And it drizzles in the evening. But felt a bit left out for some reason. The studio apartment we stayed in was really rundown, the buffet breakfast all the food was tasteless. We ate a lot of fruits there, rambutan, durian and lots of goreng cempedak! We watched DVD through uncle’s laptop at night, afternoon and morning mostly spent for walking around. Didn’t try the jungle trekking trails there though. We all ate durian after dinner, my auntie said it was our supper. The Malay couples who selling fruits there was really friendly even though they lived in quite hard environment. The business there was not doing well, not many people went to Fraser’s Hill now. My uncle said the place was really dying, I can see that. On our way back we auntie bought 1 big packet of goreng cempadak at the road side, the woman was really nice as she gave us extra. The people there was friendly, I like that.
I don’t feel like writing much here, not in the mood. Must be the pressure from trials… =(
11:34:00 PM
Friday, August 17, 2007
Auntie suddenly drops the big news saying we are going to Fraser’s Hill for 2 days! Is not like I can choose not to go and is not like I don’t want to go. But I really don’t know lah. Trials are just so near, and I wasn’t doing what a so called cemerlang student doing which is study! I hate myself! Arrgh!!!
Will be back on Monday...
活在梦境里让我了解原来现实是那么地残忍，梦想就在那遥远的角落，感觉得到却实现不到。。。
4:12:00 AM
Lack of sleep but full of stress and pressure(and tears?)! I gotta get up at 8.30 and Evelyn is coming over at 9. Guess my day will be quite long tomorrow. And of course I skipping the merdeka ceremony at school tomorrow had enough of it for the past few years. Was being making lots of lame jokes with cousin and we laughed like mad girls. Guess this is the effect of lack of sleep??? Ok, chiao. Here I come, my dreamland!
Ei-Jean if you happen to read this, wanna go out walk walk in the evening on Friday??? Tell me k!
11:03:00 PM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
If life doesn’t turns out the way you always dream of,
Do you have the courage to end it?
I know nobody’s perfect,
But am I the only one with a pair of wings but can’t fly high?
When you just had a sweet dream,
Don’t you ever feels the strong urge to keep on dreaming and not waking up?
4:02:00 PM
有的人说不清那里好 但就是谁都替代不了
《遗失的美好》 张韶涵Yesterday I was being all emo! Told ya August is an emo month, EVERYONE I knew all got all emo in this month. What a coincidence.
PJ we didin’t go down cause have to decorate the class for the merdeka thing, we all did it last minute as usual. TV bought a sari to school after seeing her wrapping the sari on Aswini. I started to gatal and wanted to wear it too. I looked so damn weird, TV was saying I looked not bad. Hehe. I did a lot of stupid dance with it, all of them laughed. Is happy to see their laughter, it just makes me wanna do more stupid stuff. Then lots of people(science stream) passed by to go to the seminar room for EST talk, some of them is like “What the hell are you doing with that sari?!” when they saw me. Is funny lah the whole thing.
When we all arranged tables for some exam going on for the teachers, I sapu the sampah so roughly and everyone is shaking their heads. Haha. Then I went crazy, stole U-Jean’s adorable monkey without him realizing. Then my good friend, Evelyn went and told him about it so I got chased by him for it back. It was fun to see all of them(TV, Evelyn, Wilson, Riz and Aswini) attack me to help U-Jean get the monkey back. I got such good friends right? Finally with their help he got the monkey back of course(after much struggle to get it back from my grip). EA teacher was wondering where is all the screaming comes from(of course I’m the one who contribute to the noise pollution). I still cannot believe Chuong Wei’s hand can grip almost my whole head, guess his hand is huge or maybe my head is just small lah, and that comes with a small brain =( Today was fun! I felt really happy and high. Don’t know why, maybe I just don’t want to stay so emo. Everything is so difficult when I’m emo, happiness is all I wanted. Even know is just for a second.
Thanks to U-jean and Evelyn's for being patience to teach me plane and elevation. I finally got them right! =)
9:51:00 PM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Happy birthday Felicia Chai a.k.a. mummy!!!
I went to school with this 1000ml of huge bottle of water as a special present for Feli. I was so heavy that I can only bring 2 text books with me and I got 7 different subjects for today. Oh well, scarification have to be made. School wasn’t bad, I wasn’t listening to accounts teacher at all for 2 weeks already so I guess I had missed A LOT! Oh Feli, I want 1/3 of your accounts knowledge! Math teacher let us do some revision on the workbook and there are still got nothing about the plane and elevation restore in my brain! OMG! I got so MUCH to do, is stressing me to the maximum.
After school went to Apollo and ate lunch. I was kinda quite so Taryna said I tumpang their table wan since I sat few chairs from them. =.= After that the whole 1000ml water was splash on Feli. The whole water-splashing event was kinda weird since there was only three of us and the heavy bag make it harder for us to run around. Later, I walked home with Evelyn.
Heard NS got new list or some sort! Arrgh! Fuck lah, why it has to ruin my life leh! I wasn’t a lucky person so I can guess the new list will have my name. I hope not! I don’t mind going if is the first batch, after that batch I will definitely have to waste my whole year since nursing sponsorship only will be given out for the January and July intakes!
19 more days to Percubaan SPM! =/This is what I did to U-Jean's monkey after I borrow it for the weekends. Haha. Lots of people who saw this their expressions was like... while i was laughing like mad. They looked at me and said "Janet, you are so freaking lame lah!" Yes, I agreed.
suffocating
RIP
the three of us. birthday girl on the right, left is Evelyn,
1:17:00 AM
Sunday, August 12, 2007
家，听起来是那么地熟悉但事实上是离我那么地远。。。I supposed to be talking about NS but not in the mood all in sudden. Got some friend kena but luckily I DIDN’T! Pheww… Called mom to tell her the good news, she said is better not to kena since I’m a girl, so it can be very troublesome. I asked about my sis, it seems she is doing very well so my mom let her off to go out with her friends. I don’t know, I just hated to hate her. But I really can't help it. She stole what I wanted the most when I was a kid, my mom’s love. Now I hated her even more as she was doing much better than her useless sis here! My mom was absolutely proud of her of course. I really want to make my aunt proud of me too, it just that it seems that whatever I was doing now is always not good enough. The more I wanted to be better the more I failed to do so. Can’t believe I was so emo nowadays, and I was actually crying while typing this! I hate myself, always so weak, always so selfish, and always full of hatreds!
Not so productive only today, but still better than before. Watched One Litre of Tears and cry like a baby as usual. Felt kinda depress after that. Damn… I hate this feeling, is destroying me. This show is freaking good but it just makes me feel sad and helpless after watching it.
Chia, don't worry lah. NS wasn't that bad you know, just enjoy yourself. I will be waiting for your return!
When you cannot even come up with a reason to love them,
then where can you go when the emptiness deep inside your heart crept up?
10:05:00 PM
Friday, August 10, 2007
Today wasn’t my day. *sigh* And I got more people agreed with me that August is an emo month. I got all emo early in the morning, went to school feeling worse. Ignored lota of people. Evelyn managed to make me feel better, she’s always the first person I thought of when I’m down. She managed to make me feel better so I’m my old self again not until 30 minutes before the school end. I felt so bad, I don’t want to go back. So I jakun enough to search the whole school for an empty classroom, found one in the second floor. Was sleeping there without switching on the fan(I’m good enough to help save school’s electricity) while some choirs people passing by thinking that I’m a homeless girl. After some time, Kenneth came and told me he have to lock the class so I left and sat on the bench. Cindy came back to school for some stuff then we saw Kwan they all. A few of them stayed back to decorate the class for the Merdeka celebration thing. I stayed with them until 2.30, I finally decided no point avoiding the home. Reached home straight away went hiding in the room, skipped lunch. And fell asleep while trying to study on my bed. Overall today is my worse day for the week(I think).
I got very shocked when I saw in Karyn’s blog that trials are just 24 more days! I just stared at the big 24 there and started counting the days left in my mind. Then I got panic attack and my heart starts beating like super fast. Wth lah!!! So fast!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Shit!
10:48:00 PM
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Voice Within by Christina Aguilera
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Didn't expect the worse thing for the day to happened after I finish blogging in the evening. The closest person to me just betrayed me! I trusted you so much but again and again you betrayed me! I don't blame you, but I vow to never trust you again. Still in the end I will just miss the time we spent together. I always rely on you to help me out with my problems, always! You know, you are the one whom I always forgave cause I know you didn't meant it. But I'm so tired already, I just want to be in peace. To go to a place where is only exists in my dream. It seems impossible. No, it is impossible. Thank you so much Ei-Jean, I really love the lyric. You just make my day better, hope you can send me this song. I wanna listen.
My eyes is shedding tears again,
I'm lying on the floor wishing the time to stop,
I can hear clearly the clock is ticking away,
The world will never stop for me, not for everyone else either.
6:59:00 PM
August is still an emo month. People are so emo(including me) and I really don’t know why is that happening in AUGUST! The ceramah we attended for Sejarah is so boring that Evelyn looks like she’s just going to sleep there(she’s VERY sensitive to boring stuff). I gave Chia and Cin their birthday presents and they both loved it, I’m glad they did.
Came back home and got really emo with my dear cousin, we were shouting like mad to each other. Of course we get back together later, we can't stand not talking to each other for long. I felt so tired after all the usual house chores then decided to nap. After I woke up which is one and half hour later just to find myself getting more sleepy than before. Trials are just around the corner but I can’t find myself actually getting ready for it. I’m sick of trying to study but later find myself falling asleep on my books. I’m dreaming myself becoming a nurse but not actually making my dream come true. Just that in the dreams it seems so real I thought I was actually becoming one already. I’m so tired nowadays, I also don’t know why. My dark circle is getting worse day by day. Arrgh! Friends is not forever,
It takes much more than we thought to stay forever.
9:57:00 PM
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Today is the day I found out August indeed is an emo month. Everybody got so emo nowadays. And it affected the super sensitive me too. Math teacher didn’t came in so we did exercises and I wanna kill whoever who came up with Earth As A Sphere topic lah! I seriously don’t get any of that shit! And in exam it consist of 12 bloody marks. As if my imaginative(i think is most probably 0.000001%) is good enough to do the 3D planes thingy. Die, die, die!!! Didn’t duty today(no thanks to the locked up library) but bought my delicious lunch box which consist of an egg and rice(I love eggs!!!) so I just stayed back. Sat on the bench and eventually fall asleep despite the freaking hot weather. Thought about lots of stuff as usual. Got back on 3, ate a packet of Mamee, 5 pieces of cream crackers and 1 piece of Oreo just to stay awake for 1 hour. Dozed off on my book, got up 1 hour later straight away went rope skipping. Got frustrated with the rope cause I kept on tripping it! Today overall is not so bad I guess. Tomorrow got a small test for EA.
I fell in love with this song’s lyric. Nobody’s Home by Avril Lavigne
I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn’t help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again
What’s wrong, what’s wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
It's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find what you left behind
Be strong, be strong now
too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
It's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place
11:16:00 PM
Sunday, August 5, 2007
My mind still thinking about Aya, just looked at how much the show had affected me. Went jogging in the evening in MPSJ, felt so much better when I started running. Wasn’t thinking about anything, just empty my mind and let the time passes. Talked to Foxy owner, she was walking the dog when I saw her. Felt that I’m actually not so good at talking to people, just listened to that auntie talk about Foxy and stuff. I guess I will just make this post short.Is so different from what you wanted to do and what you are able to do,
In the end there’s only one option.
12:37:00 AM
在《一公升的眼泪》里，我好羡慕那十五岁的女孩有着那么强的意志力想继续活下去。但我却埋怨生存的机会，难道要等到最后一刻才懂得健康地活着是一件很幸福的事吗？
Didn’t do much today, just finish reading PS, I Love You! The husband is super cool more like heaven sent! Haha… did some accounts work only and then I watched the show that everyone talks about on 8TV! One Litres of Tears! I felt that there’s something not so quite right about that show but the whole damn storyline is enough to make me cry for days and the song is making me cry harder lah! She’s so strong, so innocent and always smiling. I really hoped that life wasn’t so hard for her. She died when she’s only 25, after 10 years struggling with that illness(Spinocerebellar Ataxia、SCA). Her name is Aya, I really envious her. She had such a strong will to continue living surrounded by her loving families, friends and boyfriend. I really hope one day when I am a qualify nurse I will be able to reach out for my patients. I really love to see the smiles on their faces as they happily walk out from the hospital. I really want to make this world a better place to live. Someday I will… Someday…
The drama got me quite hard as my mind is still thinking about her, if only I can give her my life to let her live once more. If only… As I looked up the skies at night, there are stars above. But only one is twinkling the most, was it my star? I hope so. But I can see my star is hiding behind the clouds. Too afraid to shine, too weak to shine… As I looked at the calendar, time is ticking away. But I'm still there, not moving a muscle. Just there standing hoping, hoping my dream will come true...
Ei-Jean, the show was damn good no doubt. If only it could motivates me to change myself. But I’m still who I am.
PS: Cousin was saying my ignorance/stupidity surprised her as I told her I thought that cute toy I spent RM8 for will actually shake its head when I talked to it! She also said Korean drama is making me stupid! =.=
the perfect family i dream of
10:11:00 PM
Friday, August 3, 2007
Moral sucks lah! I mistook some nilai for another nilai, so I guess I’m failing it! OMG! Janet you really gotta do something about this! Was rushing like mad just to get to Ei-Jean house in time, running with my flat shoes. Can’t bring camera cause I bought a small bag. Can’t wait for a camera phone lah! Reached her house then ate lunch there with her. Walked around in Pyramid and my legs hurt like mad. Saw all those clothes on sales. But still so expensive and I’m really out of cash!
Shopping with Ei-Jean was fun plus tired. Walked up and down. We got so excited when we saw the egg machines(whatever you called that), was practically screaming out loud! And I got more excited when I saw this cute thingy from one of the Korean show, me and Ei-Jean decided to get ourself 1 each. After changing some money as the cashier got no change for our RM 5. We walked to the machine and got so shocked when we realized it was 2 tokens and 1 token cost RM 4! Ei-Jean wanted to backed out but I got her to get the tokens. I got kinda disappointed I didn’t get what I wanted(but is what Ei-Jean wanted!) then Ei-Jean got the one that she dislike the most and was screaming angrily and wanted to change with me. I of course said no! Haha… Sorry my friend. I went to the ATM and withdrawn money for the first time. Was really desperate already, now I cannot brags about I never touch my bank account money anymore. =( By the way, Giant in Pyramid really HAVE to do something about their air-cond. Is more like I'm in the freezer too with all the frozen food! Me and Ei-Jean practically have to hunched to walk as the wind blowing from the air-cond is bloody cold!
Her sis fetched us home around 6 and chitchatted with her sis in car. When I git back to the empty house was actually talking to the cute toy( you see, in the show the actress got one but that thing somehow will shake the head when you talk to it)! Sadly, it didn’t turn out to be what I excepted as that thing didn’t shake its head.
I'm so dead lah, didn't really touch any work till now. Really need to do something already! Before I sink into regrets for not getting good results. Tension!!!
Thanks Ei-Jean for letting me had some fun with ya. Even know I said we were kinda different but we still will be the best pal ever!
the RM 1 ice-cream, nice but too sweet!
the only flavour i love, chocolate!!
ta da!!!
the prince and princess! ngam ngam 1 pair!
me posing with the princess
this cameras is really cool!
8:18:00 PM
2/8/07
Scholl was all right. Except for some REACT campaign launching thing and form 5 got pulled in to listen to some environment talk by our form 4 students! Is so boring and lame lah. Our class is so different now. Teacher not in also people around is busy doing work. I’m amazed actually. TV gave me this cupcakes with the letter J on it(terima kasih banyak-banyak lah OKU!)
Went frisbee then was so freaking tired! I was totally sleep walking and sleep playing too! Didn’t really play, was chatting away with darling. Had some fun while playing. There’s someone offered to piggyback me though. Hehe… Was damn tired and fall asleep at 11. So screw Moral lah! And I’m going out with Ei-Jean tomorrow! I’m DEAD lah! When is SPM again???
j for Janet!
9:46:00 PM
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
I’m freezing cold but still took my bath(upstairs of course) even know I’m kinda late. EA teachers are still on the pertukaran asing and it pisses me off! Is so complicated! Your mind sort of like need to turn 360 degrees just to get an answer right. I swear I will never do any business like stuff in the future! Moral was not so good either cause Janet is being emo about the format answering Moral paper in SPM. BI test sucks lah, I don’t remember that freaking woman who cut roses in The Sound Machine name! Bye bye A1 for BI.
Got back my BM paper, I got 60. Even knows people around me got higher than me but I’m not feeling the stress. I don’t know is good or bad, I just felt that I don’t feel the jealousy that used to boil up to my head so often anymore. Am I learning to let things go? After school it was pouring quite hard, thanks to Cindy and her lovely mom I no need to get all wet. But is so funny when my bag got stuck while I entered her car(I stuff EVERYTHING in my bag and I was announcing to everyone I’m going hiking!).
