Love or Hate the Rain

2010-12-29T00:36:00.002+08:00

First day of posting, the ward was not that busy which is a good thing. But I still felt kinda tired. Don't know why. Now struggling to finish my 2000 words assignment which is killing me as I cut down my sleeping time to do this! Tired... It was raining heavily, by the time I finished my work, it still drizzling. The weather makes me wish that I have a water heater at home.

Have been doing a lot of thinking lately, I wonder where will I be after I achieved what I wanted to achieve. I bet it felt empty. Who knows... Is not like I will be able to do so. Will have to work hard. My dream is to do volunteer work in the poor countries or during any disaster. To work in a team, the best medical team ever. Even when I'm thinking about it there's a feeling like a rush of blood to all over my body.

I want to live a life with no regret. I want to live a life that I would die for it. I want to live a life the way I planned. I want so many things that sometimes I wonder do I really want it after all...

Tears in my pillow...

2010-12-27T02:22:00.002+08:00

I hate it when I have to leave! It hurts so much even know it have been so long already. Is weird thinking that I will be able to get used to this. But in the end I will still ended up crying to my dreams...

You kissed my forehead and asked me not to work so hard. It makes me want to just hold on to you forever. I know it will scares you to see me so fragile, so I just keep it all bottle up till the moment when you turn around and as tears filled my eyes.

Love you mom~

Stuck and lost

2010-12-26T02:08:00.002+08:00

It have been so long since I ever posted anything here. Anyway, nobody reads my blog and I don't understand why I bother to post this even. Now I'm practically staring at the blank page in my lappie and basically trying to restrain myself from screaming out loud! I really got no idea on what to do about my assignment. I think I got all my ideas poured out on my previous group work that I practically got nothing to write for this. We are not used to passing up 1000++ words of assignment, all our previous assignments were presentation and presentation only. Suddenly we gotta write 1000++ words, so I think you know how we feels.

Anyway, is my last 6 months already. Time really flies. I think is going too fast already. Really dreading it. Scare of the work responsibility if a staff nurse and scare of leaving without the people I lived with for 3 years. It will be a drastic change that I gotta adapt to it. Guess life goes on. Just have to accept it like what JY love to say.

I will be going for management posting for 7 weeks and I got 2 weeks of night shift! =( Is not like I don't enjoy the extra 3 days of from the night shift, is just that is really tiring. And the time is too long that it can be boring sometimes. If working with not-so-angel-like staff nurse it will be totally miserable only. Just gotta cross my fingers. A bit worry about achieving 100% for all the cross since is the last time we will be going for posting. I can foresee the 7 weeks will be a stressful one.

Sometimes I wish I only got 1 home...

You know I really admire those people who can say they found the love of their life, the fact that they are so certain of the love of their life really amazed me. I really hate myself for not feeling this way when I'm with you. I know you won't and never will read this but all I wanted to say was I'm sorry. I really don't know how to tell you to just let it all go straight away but I really hope you would just let go. I don't deserve anyone right now, I'm just not ready give commitment in a relationship. I'm sorry that it did not turn out the way you want it to be.

I AM BACK!!!

2010-05-01T11:51:00.003+08:00

Life is so different already. In another year or so i will be graduating. Can't say that I'm very excited with that as the workload will be increase followed by the stress level. Just pray that I can cope with all those.

Let's just see which department I have been to for the past 2 years.
Ward posting: It has a lot to learn and it involved a lot of stress if you ended up working alone. So you gotta do all the call bells, sponging, feeding the patients, taking the I/O chart, changing diapers etc. Let's just say is tough but if the patients tends to smile and love what you are doing for them it was all worth it.

Emergency Department: So it was called an EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT for a reason. But the week I was posted there nothing emergency happened. I know I should be happy but I kinda hoping for the adrenaline rush. It was busy there but not for the long term as patients usually just go back after meeting the doctors or admitted to the ward. I got a chance to be inside the ambulance as the ambulance crew patiently explained to me all about it plus his experiences but I didn't get a chance to go for a ride(another disappointment).

Nursery: Is all about babies! NEWBORN babies! They were just cute. We got to bath and feed the babies. But still I have ti add that most newborn really does looked the same. Only they were skin differences, you know what I mean.

ICU: is so hard to see them suffer. Really it does. But my week there so patient passed away or anything code blue happen. It does happened but it was my day off. My friend got to performed CPR. So it save me from emotional breakdown.

And a lot more actually but I am just too lazy. Sometimes I felt so left out. I don't know is due to what I am doing that left me with no time to socialize or what. But 9 out of 10 staff nurse told me your social life just went down to the drain after you become qualified. I can understand what they mean since I'm already feeling the 0 life NOW!!!
Is like I don't know anyone else other than nurses. Is so pathetic. I sometimes regret my high school life for not getting to know people more. Anyway, with my tight rules in order to make us discipline make it more difficult for mt to go out. Posting always left me exhausted. During block which is class is always filled with assignments. God! I ain't got no life.
So, whoever friend who sort of read my blog(which is so rare). Please ask me out k.

2008-06-26T20:12:00.001+08:00

I have meet up with Evelyn on Tuesday, had a fun time catching up. Laughed my ass off for god knows how long with her. Pei Yin is not coming for a visit already, she supposed to come on Thursday then we can go skating! But now the whole thing was canceled because her grandma was admitted to the hospital so she has to balik kampung for a while. Haih… I miss her. Hope everything went well with her. I'm not sure when I will be able to see her again.

I’m will be moving in to the hostel next Tuesday, daddy will be coming to help me with the moving in. I seriously don’t know what to expect but I’m expecting the worst. 8 person in an apartment, 2 bathrooms, no washing machine, don’t know whether got fridge or not. I got no idea whether there’s even someone there who I can be friends with. Everything is so scary suddenly! Seriously, I don’t used to be this scare when I came to school on my own during form 1. But I not sure what college can be when everyone is taking the sponsorship to study and I bet is going to be a little competitive. Omfg! I’m such a kiasu some more. How am I going to survive especially I got no bloody pure science background! But still I didn’t regret for taking art stream lah, if not I don’t think I can score like 5 A’s for SPM.

Conclusion: I’m scare to death for what’s going to happen next Tuesday!!! =(

2008-06-22T16:21:00.015+08:00

Ok. I have made up my mind. I’m going for the Pantai sponsorship, but sadly Pei Yin won’t be studying with me. Her dad forces her to go for the government hospital sponsorship which she applied earlier on. Gonna miss her a lot, she told me the offer will be sending her to somewhere in Seremban for training, so not too far away. Maybe once in a while we can go have study group together!

My guarantor problem also solved, my dad wanna be part of it since I needed two guarantors. Auntie will be the first one but my dad is not eligible to be my guarantor for some reason so I gotta go and asked my half bro for help and thank god he willing to help me out even know I not sure whether he’s actually wanted to help at all. He asked me tons of questions abut it, he seems quite unconvinced, like I’m going to run away or something and will result him paying the RM50 000. Man, I really gotta study like a mad cow to score well. I heard if you fail your exams you need to pay certain amount. Wth! Starting to stress about it already but I still can’t wait for college to start. Is just that Pei Yin won’t be around so I will have to do the friend-making routine all over again. Haih… will be moving in to the hostel on the registration date which is 1 July. I will be staying there for 3 years, luckily my dad will be coming to help me move all my stuff there so I don’t have to bother my auntie. Ei-Jean said I will be missing my auntie and cousin which I thought at first is ridiculous but now I only left around a week here I starting to feel the sadness of leaving already. I have been staying here for so 6 years already. Wow. I can’t believe time passes so fast and now I will be going to college already!

I have stop working last Thursday, felt kinda weird having so much time on my own now but I will be busy meeting up with my friends and also packing my stuff.

I went out with Ei-Jean to Mid Valley, ate in some Chinese restaurant that left us with a freaking full stomach! We can barely even walk then I dared her to watch Long Khong with me and in the end I watched 1 hour of the movie and she only watched half an hour. Damn smart lah she, use my bag to cover herself which I joined her later also. Haha. Damn disgusting lah the show! We should have watch something more worth our money loh. Regret already lah. Haha.

I went for a karaoke session with Guo Qing, Chia and Mayjee and it was all fun. We sang like crazy but it was not enough! It felt such a short while only. Damn sad lah!

I happened to have a half day on(dunno which last, last or last, last, last) Saturday so I told auntie that I’m going to treat her for a dinner. We went to this Vietnam restaurant, the interior design is so cool! The food was great too but in the end uncle paid for it. My auntie insisted that so… Haha.

2008-05-31T01:38:00.000+08:00

Guess I know I haven’t been updating for a loooonnnnngggggg time… I just got a little lazy loh. So where should I start….

I got rejected from Sunway Medical, and went for Assunta’s interview and did fucking badly, I even told them my family got Hepatitis B history and they asked me to go for a medical test then only go back to them. Even know I love their uniform but nah, no thanks! I went for Pantai Medical interview and I did quite ok but the most important thing is I known this girl from Kuantan, her name is Pei Ying. I introduced her to Gleneagles hospital interview which they already accepted us, we meet up and did our medical test together and I passed the medical test but they asked me to get some Hepatitis B vaccine cause my antibodies level were too low!!! But she didn’t, I think because of her anemia problem… =(

Next week I’m off to Pantai medical test, more choices for me to choose. Not to mention more money to spent to get there and paying for the medical test! Pantai accept us both again but Pei Ying going to do her medical test later. I can’t wait for her to do it, I really do hope that we can study together since me and her kinda click! Haha.

Working has never been more tiring, actually it depends on my mood. But nowadays is kinda tired… Gotta stop working in 2 weeks time! Have to go back to Penang before college reopen, just saying college I also felt very high! I’m going back to study again. Is just that sometimes when I saw people holding books and walked by I really hope I can study again! Didn’t know I really enjoy studying that much.

It feels nice to have someone there for you…

2008-04-30T20:27:00.002+08:00

I’m tired of interviews, tired of working, tired of smiling, tired of crying, tired of dreaming that dream… I don’t want to go through all this again and again, it’s just so tired…

不知从几时开始，我只想一睡不醒，就这样地继续逃避现实。。。

2008-04-26T01:12:00.003+08:00

My voice had suddenly went from normal to damn abnormal, suffering form a severe sore throat today after munching 1 packet of coated green peas even thought I know my throat is not feeling very good. All the customers looked at me whenever I repeated their orders, my voice is THAT “attractive”! Ah Boon which is my very good pal in the kitchen just asked me to shut up and signal him what I wanted to say. Haha. I just got well from fever and the fever came when the next day is my interview with Sunway!

Ok, so about my interview. Let’s see:
First interview
Hospital: SJMC
How was it: I did badly, was crying over the phone with Ei-Jean right after the interview. Let’s just say the interviewers are not that friendly. It started with 20 minutes written test then headed to the interview room which is not only me alone. They did it with a few candidates one shoot. The most things I said was “erm” and “ah”. So you can imagine.
Their respond: They called me up the following week to go for the medical test which indeed surprised me. But I rejected it cause they can’t hold me. Since I can choose so I choose lah.

Second interview
Hospital: Sunway Medical Center
How was it: it was whole lot of waiting, not that I mind lah. And I feel like I really went into some damn formal meeting. SJMC weren’t that formal. There’s briefing about the sponsorship and the interview is really only you and the interviewers in that room. Damn kan cheong. Worst is there’s only 9 people selected and 3 of them are STPM, Diploma and even Degree level. I got all so blown off. I was the lucky number 7 and all the people went in there will only come out after 20-30 minutes included me(I took 20 minutes)! I did my best but I wasn’t very happy about it, I think they are not very impress. And the most shocking thing is they see my kedatangan and there’s 40 days missing, is so bloody unexpected when they questioned. Uh ohh!
Their respond: I dunno yet, they said they will call me next week. =\

Lam Wah Ee hospital called me as well but I rejected it and I seriously don’t know why, I just rejected it. Next week more kan cheong. Pantai Medical Center called me for an interview. They are going to have this one hour test! Omg lah. I seriously dunno what they going to test on since every hospital is different. And I have to get there by 8.30 on my own. So early…

I think that was it for my interview stuff. Other stuff will be I went out with Cin they all the other day and watched Over Her Dead Body, it was funny lah! About work will be I’m getting more and more tired of it. I can’t wait to break and don’t feel like moving when my break time is up. It will be better if Elaine’s around but I only get to see her on weekends plus Fridays.

By the way, I got 2 major problem to worry about.

Problem 1: I think I’m a Hepatitis B carrier! Is not going to be a problem until I think most of the hospitals want their selected sponsorship candidates to pass their medical test in order to got the sponsorship which translate full body medical check up Hepatitis B is mostly a no-no for them. My auntie told me that my grandma, she herself, my dad and uncles have Hepatitis B after I told her about Sunway going to test on our Hepatitis B. What a shocking news, I just got all looowww after that. But my mom insisted that she don’t have Hepatitis B so there are chances that I’m not. But only like what, 50/50! =(

Problem 2: Sunway want 2 guarantors and it had to be working adults, did not have some bankrupt issue and less than 45 years old! WHAT?! All my relatives are all more than 45 years old except my mom. Now I know why the interviewer kept on looking at my family particulars, its the age problem! Where the hell am I going to get another guarantor?! Anyway my auntie kept on reminding me that no people want or like to become a guarantor cause it involves hell lot of money if anything happen to me with my studies. IF lah.

Why am I worrying all this when Sunway haven’t even called me yet, I freaking bet they will lah. Haih… Assunta is out already cause they said if I didn’t receive their letter this week means I’m not selected. I heard they are the best which is why they are very strict. Problems, problems and more problems.

p/s: Sorry about the lack of update, I'm kinda busy and lazy too. Hehe. not like anyone bother to read my blog.

2008-04-05T00:25:00.016+08:00

Today post will filled with photos. Haven’t been uploading my photos lately, I think I lost the phone cable but I found a new one again, think my uncle bought it.

me and my not so huge burger

she and her so huge burger

in the MNG fitting room. She kept on saying her top is very cute but is it lah. Make her looked like a kid. Haha.

both of us.

i looked so stupid.

but she looked so cute. Haha.

mango and honeydew sago, my treat!

me and Evelyn.

me, Elaine, Ah Woei and Joyce.

me and Fung Kai.

Ah Woei is a kitchen staff that I have known for 3 months, he just only left Sakae Sushi. A very nice guy, always telling me to take a taxi home if got no bus. And always hate it when I call him ko ko. So scare of getting old lah. Haha. But he already resigned last week. =(

Joyce is a very pretty part timer. Only worked for a month or so, she got a lot of assignments so have to stop working.

Fung Kai is a guy that always telling very cold jokes. Is nice working with him even know is only for a while.

I don't have any photo of CK because he kept on insisting that he is not a very chin chai person so he won’t simply take picture with people. Wth! he is leaving Singapore soon, wish him all the best again!

And tomorrow is my first interview for my nursing sponsorship is SJMC! They are having this walk-in-interview on 4th to 6th of April. My gosh, what if I screw u by saying something stupid, using simple English, kept on “erm, ah, oh”, fall down in my not so high hells(I’m still not used to hells!), talk too much, laugh too loud! AHHH!!!

Sometimes I just hate my job, is so tiring for a reason. Not just psychically but mentally too. A lot of stuff happened nowadays and it just makes me wonder maybe I just can’t be a nurse. Work is not fun without those old staffs around, I miss CK around. He is always so noisy and fun and not to mention helpful in a way. Ah Woei too, he is the one who chat with me whenever I break and spent my time at the teppanyaki area. Haih. There are these two management trainees came by and the guy was cute! But still things are not the same anymore. But at least I get to have some fun when Elaine’s around on the weekends and Fridays.

Cashiering is getting harder and stressful! My new assistant manager called me a clumsy person and said I was not suitable to become a cashier. He didn't scold me but he said it in front of the customers just because I void 3 bills in 10 minutes time. But I think I did a great job holding back my tears and continue doing my job, I think I really did toughen me up a bit which is a good thing.

2008-03-24T00:26:00.002+08:00

Haha. I read your blog lah darling. Thanks, so sweet lah you!!! As you said I followed my instinct so if you wanna know more, call me lah! Sms me also can, I don’t mind. Now I felt we are getting a little closer, you know how long since we TALK or not ah. Just hope we can go out for once, I miss spending time with you. =(

Yesterday CK last day, felt so weird without him around ejek me like crazy. When I said bye to him also it just feel so not right lah. Haih. All the best to my best supervisor ever, hope you will do well in Singapore and do remember me sometimes.

Work is very tiring, I was so damn sleepy nowadays and when Janet is sleepy she usually not in her good mood and I wonder why I don’t receive any complaints from customers, yet. I do snap on whomever I tak syok with, gotta learn how to control my emotions lah.

Today I bought this formal top from G2000 for RM79.50! Wtf man. I can’t believe I actually bought it but I just did. I really like it. But my money ah… Oh ya, the whole buying formal clothes thing is especially for my sponsorship interviews. And I still dunno how to write a fucking resume! Arrgh!

The other day I also went out with Evelyn, it was fun catching up with her. We promised to go out again before my college starts, IF I get a sponsorship and also IF she is free to go out with me lah. She's starting her college next month. And then I went for movie and dinner with someone, it was fun, fun, fun. Haha.

2008-03-16T00:32:00.002+08:00

I’m lost…

Suddenly I just don’t know what I want to do for my college. I go on and tell people I’m going to become a nurse but I just fell like deep inside I didn’t really think about what I want to do. My auntie is the first person who gave me this idea of becoming a nurse then I think I slowly taking interest on it plus liking it. Seriously is not a BAD career since this world is so lack of nurses and it’s FREE IF I got the sponsorship which I think I’m going to screw it up but…! Arrgh! Wtf! Then my dad start saying like “You got 5A’s still want to study nursing meh?” Just wtf is he talking about! As if he got the money to allow me have more options which I don’t know what that will be. And 5A's is not straight A's, I just don't think is something I should be proud of. I even have 2C's!

“Do you really want to take up nursing?”
“Err… I don’t know.”
“WHAT?! You are telling me now that you don’t know what you want to do!”
“I really don’t know. But I just apply for the sponsorship first.”

I hate to choose. Why can’t I just have that only one option so I don’t have to choose and even if I regret I can tell myself I really got no choice.

2008-03-14T01:04:00.002+08:00

I don’t know why I’m sinking in some sort of depression. Of course I’m happy with my results is just that I also dunno why…

Today this Myanmar guy from The Curve came and worked here for a few days and gosh, he’s is so CUTE! Haha. Wth. But today is his last day of work, too bad for me. And I’m getting more and sleepier during working hours. Maybe I have not enough sleep this few days. But I do snap on my customers when I’m really not in the mood. Gosh. Just hope I don’t receive any bad complains.

This lady from don’t know where came and asked me to wear lipstick for work! Wtf! I hate it. CK said “yeah, you got 5A’s so tomorrow wear eye liner and lipstick to work k!” What he said is so @#$%^&*. And the other day I called the ambulance for the first time in my entire life cause that certain someone sort of has some severe breathing problem and he shock the hell out of me! Damn kan choeng and kelam-kabut wei. I also saw Gim Ling few days ago while she's going for her gym session, got all so emo and I cried a little. I really do miss her a lot!

2008-03-13T00:41:00.005+08:00

THE SPM RESULTS IS OUT!!!

And I got 3 A1’s, 2 A2’s, 1 3B’s, 1 4B’s and 2 5C’s. Am I happy with my results? Wth! Of course I am! I aimed 3 A’s only k. So when Ei-Jean told me I got 5 A’s cause I was too scare to look I screamed and just glad. I cried even before I got the results but getting 5 A’s I’m felt nothing but thankful even know I thought 6 A’s is better or 7 A’s is even better or straight A’s is the best. Haha.

I catch up with some of my mates and I headed to Pyramid with Mayjee and Michelle who I think did very well in SPM. First we stopped by at Baskin Robbin’s and then I wanna eat sushi so they teman me go Sakae Sushi(I love the whole setting at the pyramid outlet more than Parade’s wan) then later on Michelle wanna eat at Nando’s and our last stop of the day will be at Kim Gary. Their peanut butter thick toast is bloody fattening but I love it! And I meet up with Kien Wei for a while there and Peter was teasing me about getting a 5C for my Sejarah! I had a really fun day laughing till I felt like vomiting with them and I hope we all can hang out again along with Chia soon.

My friends around me all did very well and I felt so happy for them. Some may be disappointed with their results but as long as they think they did their best then they will get over the feeling later. Wanna thank Ei-Jean for telling me I got 5A’s while I got confused counting her A’s, I have to count thrice to assure she got her A’s and what she got was beyond her expectation. Someone looked good with the shirt I bought. Haha.

Now all I have to worry about is applying the nursing sponsorship and also dealing with CK’s and Ah Woei’s leaving. Is going to be a really harsh month.

2008-03-01T01:17:00.002+08:00

I will be working for 10 days straight next week which means I will off on Sunday! Last week I worked for 9 days straight and I went out on my off day. Omg… I’m so tired…

Went and watch Dan In Real Life that day with Elaine and her friend, it was a boring show man. Wasted my money only. I only got home around 10 by bus and I got left at some bus terminal in Pasar Seni all alone! And this stupid uncle wanting to become my friend and shit, luckily Metro Bus came along so I just hop on without thinking. So scary!

And finally, I have broken something. It was a plate, the box full of dirty dishes fell down when I bang on the table and only that plate was broken, consider very lucky already! And I got the gel to light up the sukiyaki and kaminabe on my apron plus the floor. I dropped it twice yesterday! One was in front of the customers who ordered 2 kaminabe! Fuuyoh… But it felt so cold when it kena my hands.

Just now went yam cha at Asia Café with the usual gang and lastly I really am tired… I also found out that money is a very serious problem for me right now. I got headache just thinking about it. Great!

2008-02-27T03:30:00.006+08:00

Let’s see I worked for nine days again last week and got my day off on Friday. Meet up with my dear friend Ei-Jean, we had our lunch at my working place after much consideration. Haha. And I ate half of her bento set but she still pays for it. Thanks for everything and I would love to do some catching up another time! Later we went Pyramid to shop for someone's present which we finally did have it after looking for so long. I chatted a little with Evelyn and also unbelievably Khor Chuong Wei! I got so bloody shock when I saw him, he still looked very much the same tho and still as sarcastic as usual. But didn’t get to meet Chun Yik or Wilson. Kinda miss those times in high school with together with them. I did take some photos with my best pal but I will upload it later. She’s too good looking already. Haha.

Below are some sort of summary on what I have been doing nowadays:
I went and visited my nanny with my mom and sis during CNY and my ang pow money is almost the same like last year.
I saw 2 woman fall down before me in the shop and it doesn’t feel good at all.
I haven’t broken anything yet after almost 2 months working there but I threw one of the spoon away together with my ta pao rice cause I thought I was using the usual ta pao rice spoon.
This guy transferred from Pyramid outlet for 2 weeks to learn teppanyaki here have been fetching me home for days, thanks a lot Kien Wei for the ride and also the words. Haha.
Yee Won also fetched me once to work when I saw her after I ta pao and we camwhored in the car. I went steamboat at 11pm with Auntie Christine, CK, Ah Boon, Ah Woei and Elaine plus CK’s gf and we ate till 12 and it isn’t cheap. Kinda regret I didn’t eat a lot, scare of steamboat already after I had one on Dec and another one during CNY.
My new assistant manager is not a leng chai, another leng chai part timer(sudah berpunya) is leaving next month along with CK. Haihz. =(
I spent RM70++ to buy some knitting stuff which I got bored after 3 days. My money ah!!! After this I shall not take my new expensive interest too seriously!!!
Ck belanja donut today!
Today is my off day for the week and I'm going out with Elaine and her another friend. Hope things will go well.

The big question is, should I leave for another new job???

2008-02-15T01:15:00.001+08:00

It was Valentine’s Day and I’m working cause I think working is better than staying at home feeling the loneliness but is such a pain in the eyes and heart to see everyone came in as a couple!!! Haih. Damn jealous. But today was fun because someone was not there. And it was busy like crazy at night!!! The queue was on from 7.30 till 9.30 and I was the cashier! There are times I dread to become cashier, there was queue in front of the cashier too. Damn kan cheong and I was acting like a very lost girl with receipts all over the table. But it was fun when I saw some of the couples, they were so nice and cute together, some of them even asked me not to get so nervous.

BUT, a good day doesn’t have to end with smiles. The comp went siao so it can’t reprint all the receipt and then the record was all wrong and it seems like I overcharged the customers RM1000 over! Wth! I was crying and got all so scared and CK kept on asking me to go back but I stayed back, knowing myself I will feel damn bad at home without knowing what had happened. So me, CK, and Poudel stayed back and counted everything again till 12.45. By the time I reached home is already 1 and I learned that not all guys are being gentlemen. In the end it was the comp fault and I think it was alright. I also not so sure how those things work, is was too complicated.

I wanna thanks Xavier for the chocolates!!! I really didn’t expect you to come at all panda. You always full of surprises lah and my next customer think the thunder had strike me somehow and damage my brain cause I kept on smiling and laughing, they too laughed at my craziness. Haha. Thanks a lot k!

2008-02-01T18:12:00.000+08:00

Have been working for nine bloody days without an off day and is bloody tired. Anyway, I’m the one who asked my manager to give me today as my off day cause I need to open my EPF account but it turn out sucks. Don’t wanna talk about it. The only thing I know is if the people from KWSP department didn’t call me in a few days time a lot of people will be piss.

Few days ago Ei-Jean with her parents came and they fetched me home!!! I’m so glad lah, thanks a lot k! Muaks… And her mom also belanja us Baskin Robbins! I just felt like crying! And my friend looked hot in her new hairstyle oh. *whistle*

Starting from 16 February I will be working full time, nothing much is going to change except that my break is being cut from 2 hours to 45 minutes. T.T But the pay is more I guess, let’s see how I handle myself loh.

Work has not been very good, Gim Ling have left, she will be starting college soon. She’s a girl who I most probably will get fired if we both work together too much. Always joking and laughing like crazy with her, such a friendly person. Even know I only work with her for a month or so but I will miss her a lot! T.T Nowadays I’m the only girl working, the other girl has left too. Elaine only works on Friday, Saturday and Sundays. My manger is a guy, both of my supervisors are guys and my usual colleagues are all guys. I did some silly mistakes at work too, ran straight out from the shop to cry without apologizing to the customer so my supervisor, CK have to finish up the apologizing part for me. I just can’t handle it, I felt so bad and irresponsible for running out like that. I did said my sorry later to CK but still… The first time I made a mistake as a cashier I still said my sorry before I ran out to cry my heart out. I just don't understand how can I be so stupid and always making mistakes!!! Stupid me!!! When I accidentally zone out during work that's where mistakes begin, what the hell is wrong with me?!!! Why can't I concentrate?!!! =(

All about me and Gim Ling, the best colleague ever:

me and Ei-Jean

i can't remember the name but is chocolate! *drools*

2008-01-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

Manager came today and he said he can switch me to full timer but no need to work till 10.30! I told him I will consider. Shit! I also dunno why I am considering even! And opening an EPF account is such a pain in the ass! Hope I can get it done next week.

Something really funny happen just now, I waited for bus as usual after work then I saw no bus coming till 10.30 so I went back to the shop to call this taxi driver I know. He said he will take a while to fetch me so I waited then at 10.45 two of the bus I sat to go back came at once and that taxi driver is just behind those buses! Omg! Poor fella, I just waved my hands and took off by bus. I think I’m not gonna call him to fetch me in the future. And this certain someone is acting like my bf, he asked me to call him when I reached home cause he know I took taxi home and is very dangerous or some sort. Is not like I don’t appreciate his concern but he’s personalities is so @#$%^&* lah, you just have to know him then you will now what I mean. Anyway, I’m still SINGLE!

Two new guys came in to work today, they were kinda quiet but I’m just talking non stop. One of them sudah berpunya already. Haha.

2008-01-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday sucks, I ended up bathing at 3am and only managed to get like 5 hours off sleep. You know the feeling when you are very down and tired and just want to get home to your bed to sleep and dream and then you just can’t seems to get a bus and worst of all you saw the person that you hated like hell and that fella is acting like those guy that you would die for! Arrgh! I still don’t understand why HE has to see me when I’m all with my shitty mood! Wtf!

Anyway, today is so much better. I stayed till the shop close and it were so fun seeing people doing all the closing stuff. I also dunno why I’m feeling all so satisfied and happy. I work till 10 and shared a cab with auntie Christine, CK, and Elaine later to go home. Today was Karyn last day of work, will miss gossiping with her about that certain someone. Tomorrow 2 new kononnya “handsome” guy coming to work. Let’s see about that lah.

And today I ate yee sang, our manager belanja wor I think. It was nice to eat but someone just make the whole scene went so @#$%^&* Oh gosh! I HATE HIM!!!

yee sang!

2008-01-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

Actually being a cashier is not so fun after all. I’ve still got so much to learn! And if like short of money or anything I’m responsible of that. And when the queue is long then I will have a severe panic attack! So stressful lah wei!

I went to Casablanca to ta pao rice and I waited the damn Rapid KL bus for 45 minutes and it still no where in sight! @#$%^&* So I gotta take teksi at the very last minute and I practically ran to my workplace just to avoid being late. And is not nice being late in all ways.

Our manager came in today and I was told to pin my hair! What a nightmare, I looked like shit man! I went straight to Carmen house to get some pin and she tried to help me to make me not to look like ah ma after pinning my hair but in the end she got no idea how to do so. My cousin just said ok whenever I showed her my hair after pinning with different ways but my auntie just burst out laughing all the time. Damn! I looked like shit when I pin my hair!!!

I spent my break chit chatting with CK and Jia Lynn. And I ate two ice-cream today! I thought 2 hours break is way too long but is not, it was over before I thought so sometimes.

Jia Lynn's treat

2008-01-17T00:16:00.001+08:00

I got so much to blog about but I will just make it short. First of all is about my job, I’m having fun at work currently, was learning something new everyday and I’m getting better with the stuff there. The people there are great.

Just the other day, I was working as usual and suddenly Gim Ling just nudged me to look at this guy and holy crap is Henley from Superstar!!! He looked damn yeng with the hat he’s wearing. Gim Ling told me he used to eat in the restaurant I’m working at now. My supervisor has to keep on telling us not to shout too loud. Apparently, this is the first time I see a star, so a bit sakai lah! If you saw my face I think you will need to bring me some tissues, Gim Ling said my saliva is dripping. Haha.

I learned about cashier recently, at first I was really reluctant to learn it but I have to. I think it was a little too fast for me to learn new stuff but when I got used to it I kinda like it. When my supervisor, CK teaching me I just feel like crying cause I’m not a fast leaner but thank god he’s very nice person. Haha.

Oh, I had a haircut last Friday when I off. Just suddenly felt like my hair is getting very irritating and I chopped it off at APT in Taipan for RM43. Yee Won hates my short hair, I went and talked to her after and before I had my haircut. Nowadays even getting a haircut is so bloody expensive. I didn’t cut my hair for a year which explains why my hair is long with split ends. Thank god I got it all chopped off now, it feels good. My cousin always said I looked like shit when I let go my hair. Tell me if you like my new hair style.

I will upload some photos later, didn’t get to take any photos with anyone also and I still want to keep my workplace a secret cause I'm still waiting for someone to guess it. So far I saw Carmen and Chui Nee came and dine in where I worked at.

And Rapid KL sucks! I would have got myself fired if I always depend on bus to go to work all the time.

My supervisor, CK did something and it just make me realized I hated the taste of wasabi!!! =)

the new look

2008-01-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

Felt so lonely and scary now. Everyone is asleep and I’m still awake trying to memorize the menu. Tomorrow is public holiday, I cannot and must not screw up as I already got my first warning today which only my second day working. Felt so moody, today is not a great day for many reasons…

Why whenever I think I’m doing well things will go wrong and I’m back to zero? =(

2008-01-09T12:06:00.001+08:00

I'm back from Penang after about 4 weeks there! About my Penang trip was nothing much actually. Everyday just sleep and eat like crazy. And I cooked spaghetti at my mom’s place! Let’s just say it tastes not bad lah. =)
My mom bought me a new Casio watch for my birthday! My mom got her way to make me miss her more and suddenly I felt like just moving back there. =(

my new watch!

the spaghetti i cooked!

corn and apple soup. i got the recipe from a cooking show.

me and the cherry

Haagen Dazs banana spilt. (sister belanja)

view from the Penang bridge 1

view from the Penang bridge 2

this is a high class apartmen or condo!

my stepmom cooked Thai laksa! *drools*

you might think is keropok but is not. is *jeng jeng jeng* fried chicken skin!

delicious "chai kuih"

ice-kacang!!! i ate 3 bowls of that in a week!

damn cute right?

haha.

what a poser. haha.

me and cousin

I got myself a job and yesterday was my first day. First day very nervous and screw up a little. The menu is crazy a lot and for some pronunciation my tongue went out of control so when I served the customers their food I pronounced whatever food names very softly. But they didn’t complain so I’m safe (for now). For the first day my legs hurts like hell, I guess later get used to it already then not too bad. This is the first time I tried waitressing and some dishes is seriously hot and have to be very careful. The only thing I don’t want is

Rapid KL sucks!!! I came out from work at 9.30 and the bus is still not around at 10.45! Then why the hell I got off from work so early. Have to think properly whether wanna change to full time instead or not. There was a Metro Bus but I wanna jimat duit so didn’t took it and insisted on waiting for Rapid KL. In the end have to spend 7 bucks for a taxi home and that uncle is a nice person. He insisted me to took his num so next time got no bus can call him and I can pay him any price I want. He sounds nice but a bit scary also loh.

2007-12-07T13:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went to Pyramid with Chia, Mayjee and Guo Qing. This is the first time I hang out with them, but it was hell lot of fun!!! Mayjee got her pretty prom dress, I got my charger then a skipping rope my auntie asked me to buy. We got all so bored so we went for bowling, my sort of first time to bowl! It was fun, I cuci longkang twice in the roll! Then Guo Qing and Chia told me I should do this and that and I got better! Woo hoo! Then we headed to the cinema, I don’t know but I didn’t really concentrate in the movie, Ei-Jean later said she like that dunno what Mcdreamy then I was like who was that??? Guess I got a little distracted loh. Dinner at Flammings! A lot of stuff there to choose, they even got ice-cream lah! I just ate, ate and ate non-stop! But surprisingly I’m not really full till like going to throw up kind. Oh well, I think I ate worth RM 17.50 that I paid gua.

Today is just fun, fun, fun. I thought I’m not that tired(at least not as tired as going out with Ei-Jean that day) but I actually slept for 12 hours! Haha. By the way, I saw Evelyn for the first time after our SPM ends in her workplace, she still looked the same but I don’t know is just me or what. She don’t looked very happy, maybe working is just tiring loh. Man, I dunno when I will have chance to go outing again. Chia is going for NS for three months! Mayjee and Ei-Jean is taking the January intake. Yee Won is still working and she got SPM next year. Evelyn is working too. Xavier is busy with bowling training. It seems like almost all my friends(included those that I didn’t stated here, I bet you all are busy too) got their own plan and suddenly feeling so free is not a good thing. And I just miss schooling already...

we seriuosly eat more than this! haha.

semua masuk ke dalam!!!

so cute right? but I didn't try it.

the three of us.

Chia and Mayjee.

me and Guo Qing.

me and Chia.

me and mayjee

a toast for freedom!

2007-12-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

I went to SJMC today, to ask about any job that I can do meanwhile waiting for the July intake sponsorship. Auntie offer to fetch me but I rejected it, I have always wanted to sit in the bus and listen to my MP3. So, I just went there by bus. I felt so lost inside the hospital, is huge and I just so lost. I saw some people got wheeled in and out with wires connecting the body and the monitor with the pulses thing. Is so scary, I almost cried there. Luckily I found my way to the nursing administration, some nurses saw me so lost had offerd to help. So kind! But I gotta wait for an hour or so cause is lunch hour and the boss are not there. I just sat around for about 2 hours and got back up and ended up in the human resources filling up a form with a not-so-kind lady. She looked as if I’m a bug that’s bothering her having her meal since she is eating something after all. Man, I still felt some mixed feeling being in the hospital till now, is just so …… I also dunno how to express it in words, felt kinda depress too seriously. Now I’m more worry about how well I can handle the job, and I wasn’t sure should I hope they will call me or not.

direction, direction.

Then I was not so smart with the bus route and hop on the same bus without thinking that the direction is different. So I was in the bus when the bas passed Mid valley, KL Sentral and even Petaling Street. Cool huh?! But I don’t mind though, enjoy sitting in the bus. There’s this little girl sat beside me, she is so cute! We were just staring at each other then she fall asleep after that, her head was leaning on me! Haha. The mom like so oai she then move her daughter head towards her side. I chat a little with her mom too. Luckily I found my way home at 5.30. So I guess I spent the whole afternoon waiting at SJMC and in the bus.

i happen to capture the empty bus.

2007-12-04T11:48:00.000+08:00

Went to pyramid with auntie and cousin yesterday! Main intention, TO GET MY FIRST EVER MP3!!! So excited man, I have decided to get the black colour wan but the sales fella let me try on the white colour wan straight away fall in love with it! Ei-Jean favourite colour, she told me she prefers the white colour wan that day but I insisted getting the black wan. I was debating to get Sony or Samsung. But that day I got this Sony discount voucher so I went ahead getting the Sony wan loh.

cool hor??

camwhore with my MP3.

Then we just walked around the new pyramid. I a bit sakai lah, never go to the new pyramid before! Is so nice leh! Wasn’t in my shopping mood, so I just walk around. Snap photos loh. Saw Justin, a USJ 8 girl together play Frisbee wan, Nicholas and his girlfriend plus Taryna who's working in Padini but I didn’t see him! Guess this world isn’t that small after all. Pyramid the decoration for christmas is really nice! Better than Mid Valley, there really looked boring.

lunch in Subway. make me eat until so gelojoh. is huge but delicious!

jakun lah i know. but i love it! got those snowing feeling loh!

sweets! i don't have much sweet tooth actually. but is colourful!

Oh and not to mention, I cleaned up all my books, it didn’t take me that long, just 30 minutes. I’m good at throwing stuff! Feel kinda sad throwing all those books away, especially my accounts exercise books. Like so yeng loh can do all those stuff. But I'm sure I'm glad I don't have to touch it in the future. I would rather take Felicia to be my accountant than dealing the accounts myself. Haha.

tata books! see you soon!

2007-12-01T23:14:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to me! Didn’t have time to blog till now, went out right after I finished off my last paper with Ei-Jean. Cousin was doing work using the comp so I can’t blog, anyway I was darn tired to blog.

Today I just stayed at home, did some house chores, washed my bags and finished off a story book.. Uncle and auntie went to KL to do some stuff, cousin went to college then went out with friends. When auntie came back, she treat me some gelato at Leo’s café, we talked a bit since I didn’t really
talk to her for the past few weeks cause I’m always not in a good mood(every SPM students knows why!). Cousin came back with a present for me! It was a set of tarot card! Haha. Was kinda surprised she will buy that for me.

my first birthday present from cousin!

the chocolate gelato! is a bit too sweet tho.

Yesterday I went to Mid Valley with Ei-Jean, it was fun! It had been a long time since we ever really talk! And she’s a good listener you know, so we talked quite a lot. And we shop a lot too1 at the end of the day, I bought a short pants(after hearing her saying the pants is nice) and a shirt which I make up my mind to buy it right after I tried it. Haha. Ei-Jean bought 2 shirts too! She wanted a MNG top so much, too bad is RM96. If not maybe I will consider getting you one as your birthday present. Wanted to get the MP3 I had in mind there, Ei-Jean told me that sales fella said I ffk him cause I said wanted to buy but later realized I don’t have enough cash! My friend surely got some taste. Then we just walked a bit at The Gardens, we were spending way too much time in Mid Valley. Went to GAP and Ei-Jean wanted to try the kid wears, and the next thing we knew is we were wearing it! She’s in L size and I’m in XL! Was so tired, we can’t even felt our legs at the end of the day. I reached home at 8 something. I didn’t even wait till the clock strike 12 for my birthday wishes, I dozed off in the sofa. Woke up when Yee Won called me then more wishes arrived and another call from Xavier.

we love sushi.

Ei-Jean spotted this grandma plying a gameboy! so cool lah the grandma!

in the MNG fitting room, trying it for fun.

the christmas decoration there was kinda simple.

the GAP kids fitting room got some short hanger! we hung our hasil there.

we are wearing GAP kids wear!

i will miss walking to school!

Being 17 just make me felt old and having to take more responsibility. I hated birthday sometimes, it just make you realized who is the good friend and who’s not. Sometimes I just felt that I will sayng my auntie more than my mom, I guess you can’t blame me for feeling that way, I just grew closer to her now after living with her for 5 years. I used to expect for some surprises that have in store for me on my 17th birthday but it didn’t. I don’t felt as disappointed as I thought I would be. I’m glad I went out with Ei-Jean, it was really fun. We were in the laughing mood most of the time. She always manages to make me laugh so much and we both also can’t explain why so. Kinda fought with cousin few days ago, got very mad but it just wears off later. After some thought I guess it was my fault after all, sorry yo cousin. Will try to change that bad habit of mine, we really are not getting so well nowadays.

2007-11-29T20:03:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is my last paper, I don’t feel like talking about SPM. When I was busy rushing my accounts paper(which didn’t turn out so well after all), I just suddenly felt so sad. I looked around the classroom, guess I’m not going to see most of my classmates again after tomorrow. Felt so lonely. My friends still have friends outside the school, but I have only myself when I’m not with them. I guess my jodoh with people just sucks.

After tomorrow, no more librarian uniform, no more bell rings, no more teachers, no more SCHOOL!!! I’m scare of what will happen after this, everyone will be doing their own thing. Will my now friends will still be my friends? Will the people I known say hi to me when I bump into them? The feeling like people is just going to forget about you after this is so scary. You will be wondering, “Hey, that’s my form X classmate! Should I say hi? Will he/she still remember me?” I’m feeling so insecure. At least when you know you are still going to school, you are actually going to SOMEWHERE. But after this, is just so lost lah! Haih. I don’t have this kind of feeling before, but when it really gonna come into the full stop. You just realized “Oh, is over already ah? So fast!” =(

I can’t have all the memories I had in school, but I will have to wipe away the sad things behind just like how I’m wiping off my tears when the new journey sets in.

2007-11-26T01:26:00.000+08:00

曾经体会幸福的人，已经知道幸福是什么吗？
不曾体会幸福的人，就不知道幸福是什么吗？
错过体会幸福的人，还会知道幸福是什么吗？
你我都有着一个共同点就是在寻找拥有幸福的机会，
你找到幸福了吗？

2007-11-18T23:38:00.001+08:00

I ditch my studies for 2 days. And I felt like SPM had just over and I know is not so no need to mention. Have been doing accounts, let just say I love and hate it at the same time. E.A haven’t start, PD only read a few pages. I guess the last-minute habit is in my blood all these long, will be looking like a walking zombie soon.

So, I went to this warehouse sale in PJ! And I thought I was walking in the oven, is so bloody hot and the books are so dusty that almost everyone there have to sneeze at least once. Being there it seems like Malaysian do read books after all, there are so many people queuing up to pay for the books. Oh well, I bought 2 thriller books form the same author. Stupid right! I always love thriller, is safer than buying other types if books. And my uncle gave me RM20 to spend on the books. I looked like a mad girl digging into all the books with a box in my hand to keep the books. Is just so many books! We only can stay there for an hour and my cousin is not so happy about that.

By the way, my sis got 3A’s for her UPSR! And I hate being compared! I gotta go back earlier to look after my sis since my mom will be off to Taiwan. When I told my auntie, she started to said stuff like murder case happen a lot in apartment. She will be happy to know that she care the shit outta me. As if my mom will ever understand that point.

To all my science stream friends, good luck for sitting all the heavy subjects next week!

p/s: I have been slacking for days! God if you exists, give me 3A’s!!! PLEASE!!!!! =(

people and books do click after all

have fun reading after MERDEKA!!!

2007-11-16T19:36:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday Xavier!

Happy birthday Taryna!

Happy birthday Xavian!

Sorry lah Tayna, put you in between the twins. Haha. I know you are going shopping, wherever you are going! I wanna go!!! =(

SPM was ok, except for sejarah paper! It sucks! How sucks is it? Err. Sucks till at 3.30pm, I omly wrote two lines for my essay question. And I only manage to crap for 2 pages for all question! Great lah, I’m going to FAIL!!! BM ok lah, BI for paper 2 I manage tp cabut early! Haha. Science HOPE i can get A! Please god let me get that A!!!

Gotta go, heading to the meditation center! Chiao!

2007-11-11T19:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was trying hard to study the @#$%&* Sejarah then suddenly Evelyn called and said wanna go out do study group with some of my classmates or not, since no other girls is going I just went with her loh. Chun Yik actually drove a van to my house and fetched me! Got so excited, honestly he looked so different when he drives. Haha. We just hang around Kok Foo’s house for 2 hours then off we go. Chun Yik fetched us girls back..

Got home, study, study, study. Then fall asleep(most of the time). Aiyoh… I seriously hate sejarah lah and as I type this I still haven’t finish reading it! Arrgh! Is pissing me off seriously!

Another few more hours I will sit in the front row of the class and panicking like crazy while the pemeriksa distribute the exam papers! I felt so sick just thinking of it, wanna vomit man! I’m like half prepared only!!!

Good luck to all the SPM students!

p/s: I hate it when people around me start giving me all sorts of shit problems when I’m in the middle of preparing for the BIG day! I fucking can’t handle stress so STOP it will you people! And I curse a lot nowadays.

p p/s: thank you my friend for sharing my problems! Even know I’m super stubborn. Haha. Love you always!

2007-11-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

Ok, I don’t know what’s up with me but suddenly I feel like saying this!

TAI YEE WON! Go and take part in the 《我要做Model》 show lah!!! You got potential lah!!! Just try to browse through more fashion magazine and learn to pose well, try to know how to use the cosmetic also and dress yourself pretty and hot!You got two years time to do so!! Haha… Gosh, I think she will kill me if she read this. But that’s what I think, don’t you guys think so? She really doesn’t look bad you know, she’s tall and when she wears the right clothes she look hot! If she gets to become one of the finalists of that show I will spend RM60 voting for her! And Tai Yee Won, don’t you dare to pull me along to go with you! I’m not going but you MUST go k! I will support you to the max darling! I’ve been trying to tell this to you for weeks, but I kept on forgetting. Finally, I’ve said it through my blog! Haha… we did make a promise to go for the audition when we first saw the show, it think is two years ago. She said “Why not?! Just go for fun lah.” Well, now I seriously think she should go. Actually is not my kind of thing, I don’t have a good posture, maybe a singing audition will do. HAHA! Gosh, my perasan-ness is turning to a serious point.

OK…!! Wth Lim Wen Sin! I think my brain is a little screw out since I just realized that I still got like 17 more chapters of Sejarah to be force into my brain’s memory before Friday! Arrgh! Gotta rush!

2007-11-06T13:40:00.000+08:00

DYING! HELL! NIGHTMARES! SLEEPY! STRESS!

Those words are all written on my face!!! I‘ve got 19 bloody chapters of Sejarah to cover! And falling asleep after reading it for 3 pages doesn’t help at all! Why lah now only I realize I got so much to cover for SPM! WHY LAH?!!!

I will definitely miss the teachers good luck speech. The last time I heard it will be before PMR, Pn. Yoges is so funny. Said that don’t ever leave the exam hall early cause you will never know angels will come and help you out. Haha… Just when the teachers gave their speech, suddenly the everything-is-over feeling took over me. But it seems like things have over before this, so I’m not feeling any worse than before. Gotta pick myself up and go on with my life.

2007-11-04T21:27:00.000+08:00

OK! Meditating was not so fun now. I managed to do so for 15 minutes before dinner yesterday, my legs can’t stand it any longer.

Today is another story, as you see, now there’s thunder striking outside and it’s raining. So I went upstairs, sit in my normal meditating position and set my alarm and start meditating. I didn’t switch on the light to jimat elektrik lah. After a few minutes I start to have funny thoughts running through my mind, I was imagining what if there’s someone like sadako staring straight at me when I open my eyes, or what if there’s ghost around me making fun on how stupid I look when I meditate! I got panic and quickly jump up to switch on the light. I thought it was alright and now I can start over, as I trying to relax suddenly the door just go “BANG”. I got freaked out and open my eyes. I still haven’t give up yet so I switch off the light and climb up to my bed to meditate. But I still got that uneasy feeling, then the thunder strike so bloody loud! Got so piss off and march downstairs. Arrgh!!! I can’t f***ing concentrate/relax!

Cousin got problem concentrating that day, she said if it didn’t work out for another few more lessons she’s off to hypnotisms. Of course that one will have to fork out some money so I’m not going. She just can’t concentrate, she said her mind jumps a lot.

Went to some organic shop for lunch today, bought some roasted beans to snacks on. So damn expensive, RM6.90! Is so called organic food, so I guess I can’t expect it to be cheap.

p/s: I’m running out of time! Still got so much to do! ONE MORE WEEK LEFT(not exactly)! AHHH!!!

i love beans!

2007-11-03T01:13:00.000+08:00

Went to school today at 11! Wanted to pass up something to BM teacher. And my darling didn’t come, thought I can have a chat with her about her new status. Haha. In the end hang out with Xavier outside the Bilik Guru. And teachers who passed by was giving both of us THOSE looks.

Ok! Let’s talk about MEDITATION. Everyone knows that meditate is good for your mind and your health. So my uncle has been meditating for 4 or more years now, and I can see that he now is more to the blue side than the red side. So, my cousin wanna take up meditation too, she said it helps to concentrate more on what you are doing. We were supposed to go 2 weeks ago but kept on postponing till today.

Everyone were to close their eyes and really relax and stuff for a while, the feeling was dizzy at first but later I do feel a bit more refresh. Just a bit only lah. Maybe I need more classes and more practices. Meditation class at anywhere is all free of charge which is why I want to go also. Is good for me and the people around me! Today I learned about APPRECIATION. Figured out something out from that talk, starting to enjoy it, the speaker was kinda funny. Is kinda cool, I don’t think you have ever seen any teenagers’ talks about attending meditation class or in another term “orhm…”(this what Ei-Jean said when I talk about meditation).

After the class in Kelana Jaya, we went to SS 15 and ate tong shui!

p/s: MUST STUDY HARDER ALREADY AH!!!

the program i'm on now

3 beans special

2007-10-31T15:01:00.000+08:00

Days have been really busy and surprisingly FAST! I don’t remember pressing the fast forward button. I guess this is how everyone kinda feels right now. Studying have become a hobbies to almost all the SPM students, I was force to study Sejarah for 4 days straight next week cause I haven’t been touching it since the day I left Ei-jean house. Uh oh… DIE lah! Sure will end up falling asleep every single second or just don’t get what I’m reading at the end of the day. I see myself getting a big fat C for it, I think I can work it out to not make it a D! C is enough to make people have that weird look on their face so D is worst!

Yesterday cousin suddenly brought out a mini kite, played with it around the neighbourhood at 4pm! Is really, really hot even known there’s wind blowing. But I guess I’m a friend of the sun, so is ok with me. We ran around the neighbourhood like bunch of insane people. Later, we found out why the kite can't fly after I accidentally fly it pass the tree brunches. Cause I spoil it!

SPM is just like less than 2 weeks away, so is normal if people start making timetable to arrange their time. I make one too! Actually, I make one at the starting of the year. I didn’t even bother to look it, and I totally forgot about it too! So, let’s just see how long before I forgot about this timetable.

By the way, someone got pretty hand-made flowers from someone(is bloody romantic man!)! And someone got skittles all the way from Texas from someone too(is bloody touching man!)! When am I going to get something from anyone? HAHA!

Will not be updating a lot now, I’m busy with my current hobby which is studying! I can’t believe I’m studying, is not like very crazy into it but I did exercises lah. Better than nothing! No time to waste!

cousin flying the mini kite

exam marks/reminder/
timetable

the mighty timetable

2007-10-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

Great, I got a damn bisul on my butt! Arrgh! Just when I wanna study I can’t bloody sit properly! And obviously lying down is useless cause I will end up sleeping like a pig. I think I got this when I fall hard on my ass few days ago from the chair, I also don’t know how that happened. My auntie denied all those explanation and just said my body got too much toxins. I think I need to detoxify my body soon.

So, I went to school today, overall I only went to school thrice this week. Everything is going well and I’m a very happy with things going on now except feeling like shit cause SPM is just 16 days away! Gosh! Time flies really fast already, I wonder whether I will cry on the last day of SPM. Is possible since I’m such an emo person. I will need many, many hugs on that day to my friends all. By the way, I got a KFC voucher from Cik Balvir, she says we are not going to do a party so she gave us the voucher to enjoy I guess. I thought we will get Pizza Hut voucher cause I saw her having tons of it the other day, was kinda disappointed when Vivien told me is actually a KFC voucher. Is not like I don't like chickens lah, but of course Pizza Hut the so called finger licking good chickens.

Feeling a little not so motivated which is a BAD thing! Evelyn coming over tomorrow afternoon, I’m teaching her math as usual. Called Ei-Jean to ask her about science, we chat and she can really make me laugh. The way she says things is very funny sometimes. She’s like teaching me physic more than science. I don’t get half of what she says actually, but I think I can figure out later. Which I hope is going to be soon!

serving as a librarian for 5 years and i got this plus a sijil

2007-10-23T13:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday while I was washing the mop, after a while there’s this damn cockroach floating on the water! I screamed and freaked out but it was ok. What’s really disgust me is that when I was squeezing the mop dry I found one of that bloody cockroach leg is in the mop. I threw the mop and ran out the toilet and screamed some more. Luckily nobody’s at home at that time. My body can be shaking like mad when it comes to cockroach!

Went to school today and it was full of laughers. Taryna, me, Evelyn, Feli and Sandra all stuff in three tables and they were books lying around. All of us were doing work, I guess everybody is having some high stress level as SPM is just in three weeks! Gosh, I can't believe it was so near already! But we still went crazy and laugh like crazy people. And Taryna just can't wait to bully me! Right, Taryna? =P And Aziz tried to sing like Jay Chou but failed badly, it was just plain funny. Everyone was laughing like shit. It has been raining a lot for few days now, feeling sleepy and lazy and a bit down?? Haha.

Anyway, today I’m going to introduce my Motorola V6 to everyone(who reads my blog)! Is such a pain in the ass cause I will have to wipe the freaking mirror front every single time I touch it! And I can’t get a screen protector cause some part of the screen is touch sensitive when I played the music(thanks for telling me this Ei-Jean)! And the MP3 is kinda bad, I played certain songs and when it come to chorus I can hear some “si za za za” for 10 seconds! And the battery is the worst! I have to charge like every 2 days, nokia can last me for three days at least even though I sms for 3 hours straight! And I can’t apply themes for this phone! Owh man…

BUT, the good thing is the camera! It really takes good photos, very clear. Sometimes if the photos appears a little dark just have to go through Photoshop. And the dictionary is more convenience than nokia’s. And is definitely much, much better/cooler than the nokia 6610 I used to have. I’m shouldn’t complain but I think I will screw this phone in one year time. I will have tried my best to be more careful with it since this will be the last sponsored by parents hand phone. And this is a 3G phone. Gosh, is way too high tech for me. But I LOVE it!!!

the touch sensitive button for music player

And the photos took me so loonggg to update it! Something is wrong with the uploading photo in blogger. I’m slowly losing my patience! Ei-Jean said the key chain is not yeng enough to match the phone and will end up scratching the phone too. But I'm not going to take it off! Hehe.

2007-10-21T20:13:00.000+08:00

Walked out from the house at 10.20am, bought hot dog bread and walked to a park nearby. Sat there for half an hour waiting for 11am to come, the park was empty. And I’m glad it is, make it easier for me to think. Is just so quiet, Yee Won said I will get bored sooner or later being alone, Ei-Jean said I will shed tears after a while being in the loneliness. Am I really going to? Finally, 11am is here. I walked to Feli’s house and did accounts. She helped me out and makes sandwiches for lunch. Thanks Feli!!! After 4 an half hours, I’m done with accounts. A part of me doesn’t feel like going home so I sat at the empty park again. In the end picked myself up and walked home. The bloody flies flying around are irritating the hell out of me. Spoil my mood only!

I kinda love this V6, it takes some not bad photos!

Gosh, just what the hell I’m blogging here! I guess my life is that dull. Maybe things will get greyer as school starts tomorrow. Let’s just see about that.

2007-10-20T20:02:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is my uncle’s birthday, when anyone birthday come in this house I felt a bit out. Like now, I’m inside the room while they planned which restaurant to go to in the living room. Man, I feel like running away, is just so weird and maybe a bit sad for me. But I guess I will get over it soon, I have too I guess. What choice do I have, maybe I can cabut to Feli house earlier since I’m going to her house for accounts lessons.

Today final episode of On Litre Of Tears, did cry but not much. Don’t know why, maybe I’m just the girl who doesn’t like to watch the ending of every show. I prefer watching the process of it. Will miss the show a lot, vow to buy go in search for the diary after SPM! I want to get the chinese version wan leh. Maybe I will buy the show too, 8TV cut down a lot of parts!

Slept very late last night, I think my body touched the bed at 5 am. I just don’t feel sleepy and slept till 12 pm and ate my brunch. Done some maths and got lecture by auntie for not knowing how to draw the graph properly. The words are harsh but I can take it. In the end still cried like a sissy girl lah, I’m so WEAK! I hate myself when I’m like that.

2007-10-19T23:10:00.001+08:00

Went Ei-Jean’s house and spent half of my day there studying. We did some studying and ate a lot for snacks and I managed to get some sejarah and science facts in my head. So I guess is a good thing. For the rest of the night I just did some math and off to bed. Nobody will believe that this is how a SPM student lives when SPM is just less than 30 days!!!

Ate din sum for lunch and is just too much that I wanna puke! Spent my afternoon watching a movie on VCD then do some sejarah notes which I haven’t finish right now. When is SPM again??? OMG!

i want to bring this home!

study, study.

damn cute right???

it looks like in Genting but i took this on my way back near Ipoh.

and this also, damn cool loh!

this dog know how to relax.

the mountain!

me and the baby girl again!

2007-10-18T01:36:00.001+08:00

I’m back! Err… I didn’t do any serious studies over there. I spent most of my time looking for food with auntie, babysitting neighbor’s baby(that’s right, she's the little girl that I bang her head hard while babysitting her TWICE and no i didn't injured her this time), sms-ing, sleep, and unproductive activities lah. Got a really terrible car sick on the way there, felt like that 4 hours plus in the car was just plain in hell! I hate car sick and I wonder why suddenly I got it. My dad says I used to love sitting in the car, yeah, I used too! Ate hell lot of delicious food back there and had fun eating it. The baby is damn cute too, she’s kinda smart too! I taught her some English words when I asked her again she can tell me exactly the same thing, she’s only 2 years old. Didn’t get to eat my favourite ice kacang lah, it had been raining on Sunday and Monday for the whole day since afternoon and auntie got lazy to go out. After lunch on Tuesday, we had cendol and auntie was too full to eat anymore so bye bye ice kacang! The cendol tastes great too lah. Auntie said too little time to eat, she kept on saying this hasn’t tried, that haven’t eat. Haha.

Don’t know why I don’t have the urge to study anymore, I just relax about like nobody’s business. Die lah… by the way, I got a Motorola V6 from my dad. Lucky me, no need to spend so much on a new hand phone.

Don’t know what’s up with blogger, I can’t upload the photos. Will do it in some other time then.

2007-10-14T03:17:00.000+08:00

Leaving to BM in 3 more hours, MAYBE will get my first ever camera phone from my dad. He sort of dropped his hand phone when he’s working and is raining, so you know lah what happen. He went and gets back his sim card then Maxis told him he can get this Motorola V3 for like RM 399! So he bought it and he doesn’t know how to use it cause is too high tech and stuff. So I guess is mine! I hate flat and slim phone, but I guess will have to give it a try since is free and so much better than what I’m using now! I think I will bring back more weight with me too! Oh nooo!!!

Went to parade today, auntie suddenly asked my cousin to get a new hand phone cause hers is really OLD. Is a nokia 3310. so, is OLD. In the end, she bought a nokia 5300 for RM 830 after much bargain(my auntie is really good in that)! While looking at the hand phone shop people counting the many, many pieces of RM 50(have to pay cash), I suddenly felt things is so expensive. I felt so poor all in sudden.

Haven’t be doing work nowadays, just lacking behind. But going to patch up soon, I think! Halo! Is just 28 days before SPM! Shit…

Will be back in three days time. Happy holidays! And Selamat Hari Raya!!

2007-10-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

Suddenly feel like got so much emotion going on, hard to describe in words. But I do realize I’m actually a person that can’t make people around me not to be piss with me. I guess starting over in Penang won’t be that bad after all. Auntie did ask me whether I want to return to Penang and study, I said maybe. She just asked me to apply in Penang too and then I can choose. Decision, decision, I hate to make it but I guess I will have to.

Will I miss my friends here??? Honestly I don’t remember much about what I did with my friends, is just kinda blur now. Maybe it will just fade away once SPM finish. But I remember about that day I attended my first wet party at Kwan, Teng house. It was fun. I remembered going to KLCC with Ei-Jean, our first outing together with just the two of us. I remembered the karaoke moment with Yee Won, my first k session with my camwhore partner. I remembered going for movies with Chia, we walked to Summit under the hot sun. Tons of memories with the Frisbee gang. How our class gang used to sit and talk and laugh and went crazy. I don’t remember much actually, I want to remember more but I guess my brain capacity is limited. Maybe that’s why I love to take photos, at least it last longer than memories. I’m sure more new happy moments will come up, but I will make sure I remember some of my high school moments. Is sad that someone doesn’t remember much of the happy moments, and I don’t want to be the person without memories to cherish. Now, is only one month before SPM. I’m scare but can’t wait for it to over. What will happen later I do not know, but I hope whatever it is, I will have a friend whom I can share everything with… I know I shouldn’t expect for anything at all, but there’s one thing I hope for, which is my friends still remember me after they found a new life after SPM, after they start working and when they get marry and so on…

人，有时就像一个出乎意料的惊喜，避不开，也躲不掉，还没打开的心门也只好静静地接受。。。

2007-10-09T20:36:00.000+08:00

Things can get so funny sometimes? I wonder whose life I’m living now, it seems so far from the life I used to live. So weird huh? I have been questioning myself, am I happy with what I have now? I also don’t know, but it seem like life have more to come. I will just have to wait and see.

Let’s see, I got 67 for BI and 64 for Moral. So in the end, I got a total of an A, 4B’s, 3C’s and a D. Erm… Is not good enough I know, so gotta work my ass off for something better! And my auntie told me she’s going to jaga our school for SPM, but unfortunately she can’t do so cause the rules don’t allow her to jaga the school that her children or relative who is going to sit for SPM. So, she change the place with colleague. She didn’t say much about my results, just “OK lah”, I don’t expect her to say anymore than that since I always let her down or not letting her feel proud of me. Talk about the bet I have with Chia and Xavier. Both I loose kau kau, sadly(not so actually, at least I know I will not be spending much on someone. hehe). Maybe I'm just making a bet with Chia so we can go out together. Who knows whether we will be seeing each other later. Friends around me don't seems to last long, I guess I will have to appreciate every single second I spent with my friends from now on. Suddenly I miss my mom, I want to hear her voice. I bet she's sleeping right now and to tired to talk to me or something.

2007-10-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

Wasn’t being in the best mood these days, cabut early out from school on Friday and went to Ei-Jean house. Went to grandma friend wedding dinner at the house, ate like a pig and walked back with cousin at 7. Is just opposite the school, so is kinda near loh. Later at night, Yee Won asked me to go Redbox with her and her sis. I thought for a while and decided to go, got so excited! This will be my first time to go k!

Woke up early and did house work and her mom came and picked me up at 9, we went to Puchong to pick up her sis and off we went to Pyramid! We planned to go for the 11am session but it was full! Damn, we ended up have to walk around till 2pm before we can sing our hearts out. I got myself a pink top in Colours from walking around, my so called self-control stinks. Because of that I ended up windrowing money from the ATM! And I seriously hated that! Went in Redbox for the first time! OMG! I was so sakai, screaming and screaming! We sang our heart out, was screaming like mad with Yee Won. It was so fun and fun I guess. First time mah, but my voice got kinda crack up at the end of the 3 hours singing marathon. and i have spent around RM 100 today! Now I'm feeling a little guilty.

Reached home in time for One Litre Of Tears. My grandma got my mood all turn off when she saw me crying like mad in front of the TV. She was scolding me for crying too much nowadays and kept on nagging say no guys want a girl who’s always tearing and stuff like that. But still I cried like mad, is so sad lah. Now my mood is all down again.

Not a productive day right??? I don’t think I mention studying. AHHH SPM!!!

Thanks darling for asking me to go k with you, it was fun. It had been so long since we ever talk this much! And I gave you my first k with you! =)
Thanks Ei-Jean for the words and the food and most important for being there.
And Taryna, don’t call me retard/dumbshit anymore! Thanks for the straight-to-the-point advices. =P

the room!

K-ing!
Camwhore fever!

2007-10-02T19:12:00.000+08:00

Today was unproductive too, guess I’m bored of this unproductive word too. But I didn’t do any work, just laze around. Something must be wrong with me? Yes, I’m sure it is. And I kinda blog nothing but shit nowadays. Anyway, since there’s nothing to talk about, I guess I will just talk about my results.

BM- 65%
Science- 63%
Sejarah- 46%
E.A- 55%
Perdagangan- 54%
Accounts- 54%
Math- 73%

That’s all I got back till now, I know I shouldn’t have show it in the first place. is just so embarrassing. I guess I’m proud of my BM and Math. Others not so. Just hope I will grab that bloody A1 for my Science, it wasn’t that hard during form 4. Now is just getting harder, I don’t even know what kinds of experiment they ask for even know I memorize the experiments! Is just so many, plus the essay part is enough to snatch that bloody A from me. A just seems so far away sometimes. Gotta work harder, that’s what I said all the time but fail to do so. My Sejarah marks drop like shit, I used to love it, now I doubt that. I should go straight to the temple and thank god I managed to pass it! Is just so hard to stay up and study all about it, where is the Janet that used to love Sejarah?!! People seem to love Sejarah more, Ei-Jean and Chia got A for it(congrats ya)! Others subjects marks all gone up and BM marks maintain. Haih… Jia you loh. Still got a long way to go, or I should start saying short since SPM is just one month away!

I remembered once I dreamt of me hugging a pregnant women, I was sleeping soundly. I just felt so warm and safe, that is why I love to dream. It makes me feel and get what I will never have in the real life. Maybe one day I will love there more than where I am now and just pop a whole bottle of sleeping pills and sleep forever.

2007-10-02T03:44:00.000+08:00

I'm just scare the skin allergic thing will leave scars behind! OMG lah! Hope it won't cause it will be like damn ugly. Is all over on my hands and patches on my legs! Today was unproductive as usual, when lah I'm going to pick myself up?!

Life sucks, I know what I want but is just so hard to get it there. One more month before I will miss school life. Gotta appreciate the times I have left to spend with my friends. I will definitely miss it. Life is not easy, but weren't it be easier if we could just be in other people's shoes sometimes. Is not that easy as it claim, people just don't get it. If it was, I wonder why people still choose to die than to live. Life have never been easy for anyone at all, nobody live a good life, not until they think they did. Life is unpredictable, who knows who will be leaving their love ones behind the next second? Am I going to learn to enjoy life better? No, I don't think so. The really shit fact about me is that I don't learn from my mistakes not until is a really BAD thing. Why is that so? I also don't know, is just me. Does that explains why I'm always clueless who to call when I'm down and feeling shit? I think so. Does that make a bad person? Yeah, I guess so. Just wtf am I doing at 4 am in the morning? I don't know. but all I know is when I open my eyes the next morning, everything will be the same. I'm still who I am and I'm still living my life. Maybe all I need now is sleep and being welcome to enter the dreamland that I never get tired living in it, I don't even know what I'm grumbling about now.

2007-09-30T01:27:00.000+08:00

*edited post
I got this tag from Ei-Jean,

5 Secrets, 5 Truths.5 Things-
List 5 things that you want to say to people but never will.
-Don't say who they are.
-DON'T EVER DISCUSS IT AGAIN.

1. I wish we can be closer and be the BBF I wanted it to be. For me, you are a really good friend.
2. I always hated you, for taking away the love I need the most at that time. But I would rather be myself than you.
3. I didn’t mean to say naïve, is not what I wanted to say in the first place! You just misunderstood the whole damn thing! You didn't even bother to let me explain. I don't think you will read this but if you does I just want to say you are still my best friend, maybe things is different now, I just know I can always count on you.
4. I really like you but I just don't feel safe beside you, show me that I can really depend on you.
5. Thanks for the things you have done for me all these years, I really appreciate it. I will remember all those till the day I die. I’m sorry if I let you down sometimes.

I tag Mayjee, Felicia, Rhae Naa, Michelle, Xavier, Karyn and Yee won.

My skin is peeling off like crazy, my palm now is almost skinless. It was sure a torture when I bath! Wth is wrong with my skin?!!! Went lunch with uncle’s friend in San Francisco’s Pizza at 2.30pm. was starving and cousin even said she feel like eating the table. I don’t really like the food there, is so tasteless except for the pizza. I ate pasta every time I went there, should have taken something else.

Watched One Litre Of Tears, OMG lah! Cried like mad and my crying can be described like those you see in the show when some love ones die. So you can imagine how I cry. I just love Aya. I wonder what will happen if I got the same sickness as she does, I’m sure to collapse. Is such a torture when you know what happen around you but you just can’t do anything at all! In today's episode, her sis says “Why is Aya? Why can’t it be me? There must be a reason why I’m healthy without sickness, so I want to help her realize her dream if she can’t make it.” I really don’t know, is it ok if other people realize your dream for you? Maybe things will start to change once you fall sick, everything will change. Only then people will realize health is the most important thing.

2007-09-29T00:50:00.000+08:00

It was supposed to be my normal night not until I saw the message Shiang and Yee Won sent me telling me they(the Frisbee gang) is celebrating moon cake festival at the padang at 8.30! I got all so excited but when I just not dare to ask my auntie to fetch me there. I never ask her to fetch me anywhere, I just don’t want to trouble her and obviously she’s not going to let me walk to the padang. So I told Yee Won I’m not going. But my heart was hoping they will surprise me by asking someone to fetch me or something like that. So I waited, I just keeps on waiting but all I got was tears from my eyes when my uncle lock the wooden door at 11.30. I should have warned myself not to expect too much but I still does so.

And now here I am, wasting my whole night feeling like shit. I hate who I am sometimes, I will start to blame people when things doesn't go well. Can I change myself? Of course I can, but am I willing to do so? It takes a lot just to accept who you are, and it takes even more to change into another person. People just don't seems to get that, is not easy! It will never be and don't tell is not easy cause you thinks is not easy and all the shit like that! I'm sick of hearing those. I don't even know what I want to hear anymore, all I want is to go to the world I created in my dream and stay there forever.

Thanks Ei-Jean for indirectly consoling me, sure I will try not to disappear on my birthday.

p/s: I can’t wait! One Litre Of Tears is tearing my heart apart!

There are things that I want from the people around me,
I want it so much that I tend to loose them in the end,
Just how far my greed will take me before I learn my lesson?

2007-09-28T17:53:00.000+08:00

Went to school yesterday, got back some marks and I PASSED my Sejarah! I actually passed it!!! OMG! I’m so happy, even know I got a D for that. =( They combined class, 5 A, C, and K one class and the results are crazy. Some malays even brought their guitar and was playing it like nobody’s business. But the most important thing is I found the Math references book I lent from the teacher! Is with one of the malay guy from A class and he said he found it in the boy’s toilet and I never trust him. At least I got the book back! =)

As for today, I ponteng as usual. Wasn’t being very productive these days, didn’t study at all. Just lepak around the house wasting time and watching TV. I’m not in the mood to study and SPM is like one more month away! Arrgh! I hate it when I’m being all moody! My bro came for a visit in the afternoon, I just enjoy calling him “kor” even though I have been hearing bad things about another family of mine. After he left, I continue my lepak and watch TV routine. I guess I’m just lack of motivation as usual. Have been thinking a lot, about what kind of life I will be facing after SPM. Even know I don’t want to think about it, but it still will just pop up in my mind everyday. Most importantly, should I leave here??? Penang got whole lot of nursing sponsorship too, I think my mom will welcome me to stay with her if there’s no hostel provided. I guess I’ve got a big reason to hate graduating.

p/s: reading my last post, I thought I sounds a bit les. Gosh, but what to do. Friends are my everything, or I should say friends used to be my everything

2007-09-25T23:29:00.000+08:00

Are we still friends? But why I have to pretend to smile till my cheek bone hurts with whatever you said? Why you always not in my side when things happen? Why I’m always at the wrong side when you were around? Why I have to tolerate so much? Why I have to wear that mask to hide all my real feelings with you? Why you are always shouting at me as if I’m still a kid? Why you have to glare at me when I’m just being myself? Why you can’t just tolerate with me once in a while? Why you have to leave me alone when you know I don’t like it? Why I have to worry and cares about you all the time but where were you when I'm sick? Why you care about the others more than me, whom I still think have a certain place in your heart? Why???!!!!

For you, I still want to save our three years friendship to be what it used to be. But I can feel that you just don't want to try as hard as you can already. I think you thought keeping things as simple as possible is the best way to avoid more misunderstandings, but I just want it to go back like last time. I guess that’s because true friends is like one in a million or maybe trillion, once you lost it it was gone forever. Even know it seems like it was still there, but it was all an illusion, a dream that says you still can't let the past go. If things does get better, it will only happen in movies and shows. I just have to wake up and start living the real world life.

I know I still have some, or maybe just two good friends who were still with me all this time. I just love you guys k! At least I know I still can count on you for support when I'm about to collapse. I know who to turn to when I need to spill out all my hidden feelings and to just laugh out loud. I just wanna say I love you guys k!

p/s: is September an emo month too??? How i wonder, things is going out of hand. I want that remote control to pause things for a while just for me to breath. Please...

2007-09-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

My exam marks is like pure shit! @#$%&*! I hate competition but I just can’t help it! Is just so sucks, everyone just kept on asking “eh, you got how much ah?” “Aiyah, you higher than me!” “Yerh, I got lower than you!” Wth!!! I don’t know how to read people’s minds so obviously I got taken aback by some people(padan muka you lah Janet!). Will update on my shitty marks later on when I got all of my other shitty marks back.

Went to school today to kau tim the stupid testimonial thing, and it was so fun walking since my damaged toes is still on the process of healing. I walked like a erm… grandma I guess. Luckily my toes doesn’t stink badly anymore, if not I’m so screw! Is so fun to watch people reaction, teachers were all asking about why I wore slippers to school and once I told them the reason their eyes sure will looked straight at my toes.

Came home chatted with Ei-Jean online, she managed to cool me down about the marks thing. Since my skin allergic is not getting any better so I went and see the doctor a.k.a suck blood skin specialist, and he ate up another RM 60 of mine. Which in returns for 3 batches of medicine to swallow, just great lah. And now he says my skin is not allergic to the fungus like what he THOUGHT to be! Surprisingly I understand what he was saying today, no need translation from auntie. He advised me to go to Pantai Medical Centre, there got some allergic centre where I can test out what I’m allergic to since I have no ides! Guess what. It costs RM 300++. This is just my annually "fong mo" attack since I was form three loh. So unlucky to have it with fungus growing on my toes! I don’t think I got a money printer machine at home, I swear IF I got another “fong mo” attack only I will go there to take a blood test and find out exactly wth was that had causing me to withdrawn my money from the ATM many, many times. Thank god there’s no consultation fees, is only for those who went there for the first time. But I still didn’t expect RM 60 that much to pay for!!!

2007-09-22T20:12:00.000+08:00

要是跌倒过后能够轻易地站起来，那人生还会有挫折吗？
没有挫折的人生又会是怎样的？我想也许不会很完美而已。。。

Things is not going well for me, my palm is getting more swollen. My toes were still kinda bad, maybe will have to see the skin specialist again! =( Worst of all, my gum is hurting and I got ulcer on my tongue! Things will never get so sucks in my life. Haih… But I guess watching One Litre Of Tears today sort of cheer me up, cried like mad as usual. But is so TOUCHING!!! I know I will always remember Aya…

2007-09-21T00:41:00.001+08:00

My toes are not getting better. Walking back and fro to school isn’t helping the healing process either. The gang said wants go lepak at school so off I went to school. Checked out some of my exams marks from teachers. Quite satisfied with it. =) Is getting more competitive already, people out of nowhere suddenly become so good and it taken me aback. At the end of the day, whatever results you get is for yourself. To all my dear friends, I'm so sorry to be so selfish sometimes.

Came home and washed my feet with warm water and guess what, it got all painful for the rest of the day and one of my toes just got all white colours and all of them were so swollen that I can’t even out my feet flat on the floor as it was 2 cm from the floor! That’s explain why I’m walking like a little child ghost hanging on my feet(thanks guys, I don’t disagree with this fact). So I can’t walk in house and it didn’t help when my grandma nagged and nagged about the me FOLLOWING the doctor’s order to applied the cream once a day at night, she was saying “This kind of doctor ah exists to make money only, if it won’t heal you sure go back to him and he sure will make money out of you wan lah! Just apply the cream twice a day.” My auntie was around when she said that so I got double the blow. I wouldn’t be surprised if I really go back to him to heal and to help him make MORE money, he will say something like “Oh god, this is really bad. I will have to amputate your toes. I’m so sorry.” NO!!! Actually, I’m expecting the worst. By the look of my toes, is really, really bad. The pain is unbearable! And I’m certainly not exaggerating it ok! Of course I’m not going to post anymore photos of my toes as you see I already sort of affected someone’s appetite(haha). If I does, I think people will stop visiting my blog(as if people read your blog)! Aunties also kept on bragging about the way I handle my toes and everything happened today just came hard on me and I ended up sobbing like mad. Haih… Bad day… Hope it will get better soon cause I really can’t stand it anymore. Is just getting worse day by day and I scare I will really lose my toes in the end. Not to mention my right hand now were half coloured by all the red dots, and of course is freaking itchy! T.T

2007-09-19T14:42:00.000+08:00

生病是最要人关心的时刻，也让我彻底的看出谁才是真正爱我的人。。。

Toes are not getting any better, but fever recovered already. Is a good thing, means I can start my medication very soon. Can’t wait for my toes to heal, auntie just like to give me this really disgusted face when I "cleaning" my toes and kept on nagging me to wear slippers in the house. I hate wearing slippers in the house, it just don’t feel right. I think it will take at least one month for it to recover since the pills I got have to be taken all for 2 weeks. The doctor did said it won’t spread not till someone wear my slippers, so to all my friends, PLEASE don’t wear my slippers if you don’t want to let the fungus grow all over your toes.

2007-09-18T12:21:00.000+08:00

Great! My toes are not getting any better! I will be seeing a skin specialist soon. I really can’t stand it anymore and I think is spreading to another leg and my hands too and is so damn itchy and it kinda hurts too lah! I called up Evelyn to help me made up my mind whether or not to see the skin specialist, cousin said it looks bad. So there I go, helping the doctors to make money.

I lost my math teacher reference book that I lent from her yesterday, I just put it on top of my bag and went in to sit for exam, when I came out it just VANISH! Don’t know which useless asshole go and stole it! No matter what I said also still there will be more money to be spent. Oh, just great lah Janet! You should start going to temple and pray for your health and more GOOD luck to come lah.

I went and see the skin specialist in the afternoon, waited for half an hour and the room is bloody cold and I got fever. So you can imagine how I felt. T.T The doctor is a very funny person. Why? Cause I can’t understand whatever he said except for 2 familiar Cantonese words like "heong kong keok" refer to my toes/leg and "fong mo" for the dots on my hands. "Fong mo" is so strange word to me, I got it for every year since I was form 3. He’s a Singh lah. My auntie has to translate the whole conversation for me. The way he talks like someone had just cut his tongue off. The words like all stick together wan! And I think he said something like my skin is sensitive to the fungus??!!! I only brought RM 50 there and guess what, it costs me RM 85! RM 85 that’s right, for some pills and cream! I was so shocked that I just stare at the medicine. I complained to my auntie all she said was “he’s a skin specialist mah, what do you expect?! Consultation fees already RM 60. Go and ask money from your father lah, said see doctor need money”. OMG! I feel like killing myself, is so expensive and I'm almost broke!!! I still got teacher's reference book to pay back! I'm gonna faint very soon with the headache I'm having!
the damaged toes on the right that cost me A LOT of cash!!! if you think this is disgusting, you haven't see the disgusting part yet.

2007-09-16T00:29:00.000+08:00

Today was a really fun day, minus the part where my toes is getting more and more irritating and itchy plus disgusting! Woke up at 9 and later received Chia message asking me to join her for a study group in her house. I wasn’t planning to go cause is very last minute but in the end I decided to go and I’m glad that I went. It was really fun, me, Chia, Michelle and Guo Qing. We kinda went crazy while doing our work. I learned some stuff for math but still suck at it in the end. But Guo Qing is a good teacher lah. =P Laughed a lot today and also ate a lot. Chia was feeding everyone there with food! Chocolate ice-cream first then got instant noodles! Gosh… And the sound of my damaged toes is scaring people lah wei! Michelle and Chia eyes just kept on hanging out whenever their legs accidentally contacted to my damaged toes! Haha. I missed half of One Litre Of Tears and surprisingly for the first time I’m not crying! Oh god, what had happen ah?! Maybe cause I was having too much fun in Chia house so kinda high. Missed one Tree Hill cause my grandma currently staying here and she can’t walk up the stairs so gotta sleep in the living room as me and cousin took over the study room till 3 am in the morning almost everyday.

Had a lot of fun today, thank you Chia for inviting me, I enjoy throughout the whole thing, hope got more to come! =)

2007-09-14T21:37:00.001+08:00

I always think time will fill my heart with love, after all these years I wasn’t sure anymore. I guess is because my hands still hold tight to my heart, I just can’t seem to let it go. Why? I also don’t know why. How I wish man kind create a machine that will tell you how you feel deep inside your heart. I always wasn’t sure what I want. And I can’t even imagine life after SPM, sometimes I felt that I’m not afraid of SPM, but is the life after that scares me. Is was like in the middle of the sea, is too far from the shore and you just have to hang on there and wait for help to arrive. Who knows when the help will actually arrive, maybe by the time it arrive is already too late. Time machine doesn’t exist! I just have to learn to live a life the reality world people live. When I’m tired, all I have to do is lock myself in the room and cry my heart out. It takes a lot of courage to open that door to reach out after that. But the door have to be open by my own hands before is too late. Nobody will stop their pace to wait for you, you have to keep up by yourself. Run if you can cause sometimes walking just wasn’t fast enough. I wonder how life without love can be, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. At least human won’t know how to cry, how to miss a person. It will end a lot of suffering after losing the love ones. I won’t have to worry about that since I don’t have much to remember. There’s this one picture always in my mind till now, it is me standing on the green field, with no barriers. There will be a huge tree, full of apples. I will read my book under the tree, biting a red apple while the wind is blowing softly. The skies will be the nearest thing to me, and once a while the rainbow will come and brighten up my day. At night there will be thousands of stars accompany me while I slowly enter the dreamland. Just me alone there, I’m not waiting for anyone and didn’t expect people to enter the world I live in, I’m just waiting for the time to pass, day by day… If that place exists, I don’t want to go heaven anymore. If someone can just tell me that place will be there when I close my eyes every night, I will leave everything I have and stay there forever...

2007-09-14T00:58:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 7! The reason I woke up so early even know there’s no exam today was because I’m tutoring Evelyn for math. Is a bad idea to do math questions when you brain is not fully awake yet. It took me so long to figure out some simple maths and I kept on yawning. I got lazy later and just hang around and playing with my damaged toes while Evelyn working on her maths. Few days ago when we were having Science exam, Wilson talked to me about the condition of my toes.

Wilson: Eh Janet, I think you got athlete’s foot lah!
Me: Wth is that?!
Wilson: Is in our science text book, causes by fungi. The symptoms are just like your toe. Red rashes in between toes and itchiness.
Me: OMG, really?!!! I didn’t realize that!

I checked the text book and internet about it and bang, it is the same thing going on with my toes. My cousin said it looks like a forest or the whole ecosystem is living in there. So you can guess is it kinda bad. Or just very bad.

I went to the clinic while Evelyn walked to Feli house, she, Taryna and Feli is going to yam cha. The maid is coming to clean the house today so I gotta stay home. And guess what. The doctor is kinda shock with the condition of my toes! Is just like last year when I got skin allergic all over my body with red patches I went and see her and gave her some good shock too. In the end it is athlete's foot or we called it tines. The bloody cream and lotion causes me 30 BUCKS! Man… I hate seeing doctor. She said wanna give me something to stop the itch, I refuse as it will cost me MORE! So, I just have to tahan and DON’T scratch it. But is getting itchier! Anyway, good luck to all my science stream buddies who still got exams to sit for! My last subject will be on Monday which is Math! I am so scoring that paper(I think…)!

p/s: I miss your messages…

the thing that will eventually heal my toes and causes me 30 bucks!!

2007-09-11T15:25:00.000+08:00

Cried like mad and got depress over my Science paper. I felt ok at school but after checking my paper 1 answers at home then I started to felt this really hard-to-breath feeling and I know I’m gonna cry hard and I did! Felt like a total shit and bid goodbye the big A for Science. I seriously wanna do well for it, had been studying, studying and studying it few weeks before exam! And I only slept 2 hours yesterday! I really wanna get that sijil kecemerlangan for Science subject! It will be useful to apply for the nursing sponsorship! I don’t know what went wrong, I memorized almost all the “important” experiments, and then it turns out the essay part is something I didn’t take notice off! And I just got stuck, I did tembak(better than nothing!). But still I got it all WRONG! I did a lot of mistakes too! I really wanna kill myself…

Accounts on Monday were not that bad, I’m sure I will pass and I’m satisfied already. Now I just have to dry my eyes and try not to fail my Perdagangan tomorrow. Is so hard to pick myself up again. I’ve been falling a lot but I NEVER learn the lesson! Things is not going very well these days, I want some sunny days in my life…

2007-09-07T18:02:00.000+08:00

The death sentence paper of the week: SEJARAH paper!!!

OMG! Sejarah is so @#$%^&* hard! I’m not surprise if I fail, I even bet with Ei-Jean whoever pass will have to belanja ice-cream! I am so getting a free ice-cream honestly! Is really hard the paper! T.T I think a lot of people thinks is hard too, I was using my imaginary gun and shoot all the questions. As I'm typing this, I felt like I really gonna get the worst Sejarah marks ever! And I even slept 1 hour while answering paper 2! This is what I get for not concentrating on what I'm read.

Taryna brought a phone to school, and it’s a nokia 5300!!! I went practically insane when I saw it, she said the phone is good. I’ve been checking the nokia phone models lately, nokia 6288 was not that bad also. It’s a 3G phone, and I don’t like 3G phones lah. But it has a 2 mega pixels camera! Way better than nokia 5300! Man. Exam is HERE and I’m talking about getting a new phone. More work to do! Science teacher said Science paper is going to be a tough one, which spells dead. I want the A so much lah for Science, just pray that my hopes won’t go too far till I can’t bear it.

p/s: tomorrow another new episode of One Litre Of Tears and One Tree Hill! I do love Saturdays!!!

2007-09-06T16:18:00.000+08:00

Moral was indeed BAD! I was so blur throughout the 2 ½ hours! I just crap and wrote whatever I remembered which is not much. Most of the question is all about asking you to vomit out all the nilai that you have memorized. And we got like 36 of them, and I always got it WRONG! Just hope I can pass this paper, not so nice failing your Pendidikan Moral only.

After moral paper, agama students still got their agama paper to sit for so I, Evelyn, Taryna and Feli went off to the foyer there. Just chit chat and didn’t study. And got bullied kau kau by that @#$%* Taryna! Saw a lot of people there too. All the moral students practically ponteng there or in the library! So tired lah… I’m just so lack of sleep! I was too tired and fall asleep while answering my questions! Haih... Sejarah papers tomorrow! And it just get more complicated chapter by chapter. *letting out a long sigh*

p/s: my form 1 classmate said I didn’t change before(I’m talking about style here, the way I dress and stuff). And she said I was still like what I used to be when I was in form 1! Sad wei... ='(

偶尔当我朋友围绕着我时，我都好像和空气融合了在一起,
人类需要空气才能继续生存，虽然我们的双眼看不见它,可是它却一直陪伴在我们身旁，。。。

2007-09-05T13:47:00.000+08:00

E.A paper such a pain in the ass lah!!! I didn’t study form 5 and paper 1 sucks like hell. Tembak and all got it wrong! =( Paper 1 was not so bad, not until after the exam people were discussing the answers and I found out that half of what I wrote was all WRONG! T.T

Yesterday night auntie and cousin went pasar malam, and she just went without me! I didn’t even know till the very last minute. But they bought back mua chi, so I’m not complaining. I stayed up study till 2 and left the light on. So I guess why I suck in my E.A today loh. Tomorrow is Moral, one of my suck subjects too. And I still got the whole form 5 text book of Sejarah to read on! I need some sleep lah… Dead tired…

p/s: I’ve made two deals for the trials results so far, can’t wait to get the reward of winning them! =P

mua chi and the workload

left one extra for those who loves mua chi!

sorry guys, i just love mua chi!

2007-09-04T16:07:00.000+08:00

OMFG!!! BI essays not enough time finish!!! I choose the topic to write about your worst holidays ever!
First paragraph: happy holidays
Second paragraph: happy holidays
Third paragraph: still happy holidays
Fourth paragraph: worse holidays(NOW only I get into the topic!)
Fifth paragraph: worse holidays
Sixth paragraph: worse holidays(which is only 4 sentences cause I ain’t got no time!)

Wth man! I’m so dead! And I only left 20 minutes before I started my another essay! And teacher was going to complained I passed up late cause I took extra 10 minutes to finish and some of my classmates were not so happy about that. =( I named a girl in my essay as Eileen! Wanna know why. That’s because I combined two of my best friend name which is Ei-Jean and Evelyn! =) Thank god BI 2 was ok, the summary were about elephants and the first person I thought of was Rhae Naa. Haha…

Yesterday night some stuff happened and it bothers me so much that I can’t concentrate. And it still playing in my mind. Tomorrow got E.A test, I will see myself got a big C/D for it. Tomorrow also they will be no science stream people around except those who took E.A. These days so busy and I got no time to talk to my friends other than my classmates! I already got used to not receiving your sms after a few days! Bad thing right???

Please don’t confuse me anymore! I know what I’m doing and what I wanted. At least I think I know.

2007-09-03T14:58:00.000+08:00

Hmmm… First paper surely is BM paper, BM 2, not so bad.
Question: maksud diberikan pengiktirafan
Answer: memberikan gelaran/nama
Question: bukit kehebatan raja (3 markah)
Answer: duduk di kerusi tetapi boleh membunyikan gong pada masa yang sama
Question: maksud persembahkan segala kata
Answer: mengatakan semua hasrat/keinginan

NOT BAD right!!! Wtf man. I don’t even know what I’m crapping about! I just hate prosa tradisional lah, the stories are all so weird! And for the bina ayat part, just wth is meracik and menakik! OMG! And after this I am so not going to apply for the kad kredit no matter what! Damn! BM 1 is the day spoiler lah! Yesterday cried and grumbled like a kid when I can't find my BM newspaper, I always read it before taking BM paper wan, I guess not reading it kinda affects my confidence in the writing the karangan.

Overall, not too sucks. I’m sure more sucks one is coming! And now I’m gonna busy myself with my VERY last minute literature and more revision! Bye…

P/s: exam makes me feel rajin and malas at the same time and more menyesal and kecewa too!(must be too much BM reading already)

2007-09-01T01:53:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to blog about these days, only to become more tension, stress and pressure. I’m so sleepy, but still got so much to read! Arrgh! Evelyn came today for some math lessons. We talked more than doing our work I think. Cousin and uncle went to KLCC and of course I'm not allow to go any shopping mall not until Percubaan ends(strict warning from auntie). Later, Ei-Jean was tempting me about the idea of eating ice-cream. Telling me Baskin Robbin’s and Mcd ice-cream is all so cheap and good(as if I don’t know =P), but in the end we ended up walking to 7-eleven and bought ice-cream there. On the way walking there, someone almost pulled of my hand and make my heart stops cause of 4-5 dogs was barking like mad all in sudden at the same time. I don't really mind but her reaction just make me as scare/freak out as her lah! Haha. Still it was fun to spent time with both of my BBF in one day, this chances are so rare since they both don’t really know each other despite being neighbour for years. How I wish I could pair us all together in the first place. Man. I’ve been thinking a lot, and I obviously hated all the ideas in my mind. Just hope things will be better on the whole new month(fyi, August is the emo month after being technically proven by me). I don’t know what to expect anymore except to treasure my last few months of my school days. T.T Can I have a time machine PLEASE???
Is Saturday which means...?? Another new episode of One Litre Of tears and One Tree Hill on 8TV!!! I love Saturdays(not all the time)!!!

that toy there is my cousin's Transformers toy and i see a lot more coming.

the stickers cousin bought me from KLCC! damn cute wei!

the hopes and fears...

2007-08-29T15:01:00.000+08:00

I don’t know how to tell her, she just doesn’t understand.
The person who is talking to her all these time wasn’t me, just someone that looks like me.
I don’t want to be the bad girl, but I slowly see myself becoming one.
Why can’t I be someone that I’m not?
And where are the people when I need them the most?
Everyone is leading a life with a different destiny from one another.
My hearts says I’m the worst of all but I know its telling lies.
But I still feel for it, how blind can I be.
I love the skies as it makes me feel free, free of anything that could possibly destroy me.
The skies also make me feel small and unprotected in this harsh world.
I would rather choose to walk on the clouds than this cold tile floor.
If only I can make it there…

2007-08-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

当梦结束之后，那就是悲伤的开始。。。

Holidays ends just like that. It was so fast that it seems like it was just yesterday holidays started. I did some work during holidays, not good enough but at least I did something. Tomorrow is a new day, I wonder what it stores for me… Wish it could be more good than bad, I can't stand anymore heartbreak.

What will I miss the most when I leave this place? I wonder about that almost all the time…
It seems like I got no one there for me when I’m lost.
Maybe there is couple of friends whom I trusted the most.
Besides them…
I guess there’s no one else.

2007-08-25T02:09:00.000+08:00

Nothing special is going on except I felt that time had passes really fast these days. I seem to be very lack behind. When I think about how I cope with all my last minute studies for the past exams without sleeping much it kinda scares me, I remembered I was so damn tired that I cry everyday during the first week of exam.

Went for Frisbee in the morning, was kinda crazy and people are still haven’t jump out from this emo month. So, now I got more proof that August INDEED is an emo month. I had fun, screaming my lungs out as usual. And somebody actually thinks I’m a nurse already, so sorry I’m NOT YET a qualify one. Ate breakfast with 3 guys as the others went home and the whole scene was really weird. So quiet, but don’t know why I didn’t bother to break the ice between. Came home, rest a while and head off to Feli’s house for some accounts lessons till 6. Learned some stuff of course, sadly accounts still will one of my C’s in my SPM cert. I just hate it.

Went out for dinner since some plumber repaired auntie’s house sink and no dishes are allow to be wash there. Ate in parkway and I have to admit, the food was good and always good! I just got addicted to the food there! So DELICIOUS! Later went to Parade and I got my cousin belanja me some chocolates on sale. Is only 3 for RM 10! And the chocolates are all imported ones! I chose the bitter chocolate, just love the taste. I’m not a real chocoholic but once in a while I will dive in for chocolates, especially dark bitter chocolate!

Endless of seminars, tuitions, crash course to attend. I have to admit I hate exams, but with SPM just around the corner. I just love it when we students gather around and talks about exam and doing study group together. I will definitely miss those times in the future.

Thanks Feli for the time and the huge slice of homemade chocolate banana cake!

i hate accounts...

2007-08-20T19:58:00.001+08:00

I had fun staying in Fraser’s Hill for 2 days, I got really bad car sick on our way there. The weather was fine, but it was too cold for me especially at night. Is still very greenish with lots and lots of trees though it was kinda boring there since is not well develop. It good since it keeps the weather cool, the lowest temperature was 20 degree Celsius. And it drizzles in the evening. But felt a bit left out for some reason. The studio apartment we stayed in was really rundown, the buffet breakfast all the food was tasteless. We ate a lot of fruits there, rambutan, durian and lots of goreng cempedak! We watched DVD through uncle’s laptop at night, afternoon and morning mostly spent for walking around. Didn’t try the jungle trekking trails there though. We all ate durian after dinner, my auntie said it was our supper. The Malay couples who selling fruits there was really friendly even though they lived in quite hard environment. The business there was not doing well, not many people went to Fraser’s Hill now. My uncle said the place was really dying, I can see that. On our way back we auntie bought 1 big packet of goreng cempadak at the road side, the woman was really nice as she gave us extra. The people there was friendly, I like that.

I don’t feel like writing much here, not in the mood. Must be the pressure from trials… =(

2007-08-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

Auntie suddenly drops the big news saying we are going to Fraser’s Hill for 2 days! Is not like I can choose not to go and is not like I don’t want to go. But I really don’t know lah. Trials are just so near, and I wasn’t doing what a so called cemerlang student doing which is study! I hate myself! Arrgh!!!

Will be back on Monday...

活在梦境里让我了解原来现实是那么地残忍，梦想就在那遥远的角落，感觉得到却实现不到。。。

2007-08-17T04:12:00.000+08:00

Lack of sleep but full of stress and pressure(and tears?)! I gotta get up at 8.30 and Evelyn is coming over at 9. Guess my day will be quite long tomorrow. And of course I skipping the merdeka ceremony at school tomorrow had enough of it for the past few years. Was being making lots of lame jokes with cousin and we laughed like mad girls. Guess this is the effect of lack of sleep??? Ok, chiao. Here I come, my dreamland!

Ei-Jean if you happen to read this, wanna go out walk walk in the evening on Friday??? Tell me k!

2007-08-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

If life doesn’t turns out the way you always dream of,
Do you have the courage to end it?
I know nobody’s perfect,
But am I the only one with a pair of wings but can’t fly high?
When you just had a sweet dream,
Don’t you ever feels the strong urge to keep on dreaming and not waking up?

=) blog!

2007-08-16T16:02:00.000+08:00

有的人说不清那里好但就是谁都替代不了
《遗失的美好》张韶涵

Yesterday I was being all emo! Told ya August is an emo month, EVERYONE I knew all got all emo in this month. What a coincidence.

PJ we didin’t go down cause have to decorate the class for the merdeka thing, we all did it last minute as usual. TV bought a sari to school after seeing her wrapping the sari on Aswini. I started to gatal and wanted to wear it too. I looked so damn weird, TV was saying I looked not bad. Hehe. I did a lot of stupid dance with it, all of them laughed. Is happy to see their laughter, it just makes me wanna do more stupid stuff. Then lots of people(science stream) passed by to go to the seminar room for EST talk, some of them is like “What the hell are you doing with that sari?!” when they saw me. Is funny lah the whole thing.

When we all arranged tables for some exam going on for the teachers, I sapu the sampah so roughly and everyone is shaking their heads. Haha. Then I went crazy, stole U-Jean’s adorable monkey without him realizing. Then my good friend, Evelyn went and told him about it so I got chased by him for it back. It was fun to see all of them(TV, Evelyn, Wilson, Riz and Aswini) attack me to help U-Jean get the monkey back. I got such good friends right? Finally with their help he got the monkey back of course(after much struggle to get it back from my grip). EA teacher was wondering where is all the screaming comes from(of course I’m the one who contribute to the noise pollution). I still cannot believe Chuong Wei’s hand can grip almost my whole head, guess his hand is huge or maybe my head is just small lah, and that comes with a small brain =( Today was fun! I felt really happy and high. Don’t know why, maybe I just don’t want to stay so emo. Everything is so difficult when I’m emo, happiness is all I wanted. Even know is just for a second.

Thanks to U-jean and Evelyn's for being patience to teach me plane and elevation. I finally got them right! =)

2007-08-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday Felicia Chai a.k.a. mummy!!!

I went to school with this 1000ml of huge bottle of water as a special present for Feli. I was so heavy that I can only bring 2 text books with me and I got 7 different subjects for today. Oh well, scarification have to be made. School wasn’t bad, I wasn’t listening to accounts teacher at all for 2 weeks already so I guess I had missed A LOT! Oh Feli, I want 1/3 of your accounts knowledge! Math teacher let us do some revision on the workbook and there are still got nothing about the plane and elevation restore in my brain! OMG! I got so MUCH to do, is stressing me to the maximum.

After school went to Apollo and ate lunch. I was kinda quite so Taryna said I tumpang their table wan since I sat few chairs from them. =.= After that the whole 1000ml water was splash on Feli. The whole water-splashing event was kinda weird since there was only three of us and the heavy bag make it harder for us to run around. Later, I walked home with Evelyn.

Heard NS got new list or some sort! Arrgh! Fuck lah, why it has to ruin my life leh! I wasn’t a lucky person so I can guess the new list will have my name. I hope not! I don’t mind going if is the first batch, after that batch I will definitely have to waste my whole year since nursing sponsorship only will be given out for the January and July intakes!

19 more days to Percubaan SPM! =/

This is what I did to U-Jean's monkey after I borrow it for the weekends. Haha. Lots of people who saw this their expressions was like... while i was laughing like mad. They looked at me and said "Janet, you are so freaking lame lah!" Yes, I agreed.

suffocating

RIP

the three of us. birthday girl on the right, left is Evelyn,

2007-08-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

家，听起来是那么地熟悉但事实上是离我那么地远。。。

I supposed to be talking about NS but not in the mood all in sudden. Got some friend kena but luckily I DIDN’T! Pheww… Called mom to tell her the good news, she said is better not to kena since I’m a girl, so it can be very troublesome. I asked about my sis, it seems she is doing very well so my mom let her off to go out with her friends. I don’t know, I just hated to hate her. But I really can't help it. She stole what I wanted the most when I was a kid, my mom’s love. Now I hated her even more as she was doing much better than her useless sis here! My mom was absolutely proud of her of course. I really want to make my aunt proud of me too, it just that it seems that whatever I was doing now is always not good enough. The more I wanted to be better the more I failed to do so. Can’t believe I was so emo nowadays, and I was actually crying while typing this! I hate myself, always so weak, always so selfish, and always full of hatreds!

Not so productive only today, but still better than before. Watched One Litre of Tears and cry like a baby as usual. Felt kinda depress after that. Damn… I hate this feeling, is destroying me. This show is freaking good but it just makes me feel sad and helpless after watching it.

Chia, don't worry lah. NS wasn't that bad you know, just enjoy yourself. I will be waiting for your return!

When you cannot even come up with a reason to love them,
then where can you go when the emptiness deep inside your heart crept up?

2007-08-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

Today wasn’t my day. *sigh* And I got more people agreed with me that August is an emo month. I got all emo early in the morning, went to school feeling worse. Ignored lota of people. Evelyn managed to make me feel better, she’s always the first person I thought of when I’m down. She managed to make me feel better so I’m my old self again not until 30 minutes before the school end. I felt so bad, I don’t want to go back. So I jakun enough to search the whole school for an empty classroom, found one in the second floor. Was sleeping there without switching on the fan(I’m good enough to help save school’s electricity) while some choirs people passing by thinking that I’m a homeless girl. After some time, Kenneth came and told me he have to lock the class so I left and sat on the bench. Cindy came back to school for some stuff then we saw Kwan they all. A few of them stayed back to decorate the class for the Merdeka celebration thing. I stayed with them until 2.30, I finally decided no point avoiding the home. Reached home straight away went hiding in the room, skipped lunch. And fell asleep while trying to study on my bed. Overall today is my worse day for the week(I think).

I got very shocked when I saw in Karyn’s blog that trials are just 24 more days! I just stared at the big 24 there and started counting the days left in my mind. Then I got panic attack and my heart starts beating like super fast. Wth lah!!! So fast!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Shit!

2007-08-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

Voice Within by Christina Aguilera

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

Didn't expect the worse thing for the day to happened after I finish blogging in the evening. The closest person to me just betrayed me! I trusted you so much but again and again you betrayed me! I don't blame you, but I vow to never trust you again. Still in the end I will just miss the time we spent together. I always rely on you to help me out with my problems, always! You know, you are the one whom I always forgave cause I know you didn't meant it. But I'm so tired already, I just want to be in peace. To go to a place where is only exists in my dream. It seems impossible. No, it is impossible.

Thank you so much Ei-Jean, I really love the lyric. You just make my day better, hope you can send me this song. I wanna listen.

My eyes is shedding tears again,
I'm lying on the floor wishing the time to stop,
I can hear clearly the clock is ticking away,
The world will never stop for me, not for everyone else either.

2007-08-09T18:59:00.000+08:00

August is still an emo month. People are so emo(including me) and I really don’t know why is that happening in AUGUST! The ceramah we attended for Sejarah is so boring that Evelyn looks like she’s just going to sleep there(she’s VERY sensitive to boring stuff). I gave Chia and Cin their birthday presents and they both loved it, I’m glad they did.

Came back home and got really emo with my dear cousin, we were shouting like mad to each other. Of course we get back together later, we can't stand not talking to each other for long. I felt so tired after all the usual house chores then decided to nap. After I woke up which is one and half hour later just to find myself getting more sleepy than before. Trials are just around the corner but I can’t find myself actually getting ready for it. I’m sick of trying to study but later find myself falling asleep on my books. I’m dreaming myself becoming a nurse but not actually making my dream come true. Just that in the dreams it seems so real I thought I was actually becoming one already. I’m so tired nowadays, I also don’t know why. My dark circle is getting worse day by day. Arrgh!

Friends is not forever,
It takes much more than we thought to stay forever.

2007-08-07T21:57:00.000+08:00

Today is the day I found out August indeed is an emo month. Everybody got so emo nowadays. And it affected the super sensitive me too. Math teacher didn’t came in so we did exercises and I wanna kill whoever who came up with Earth As A Sphere topic lah! I seriously don’t get any of that shit! And in exam it consist of 12 bloody marks. As if my imaginative(i think is most probably 0.000001%) is good enough to do the 3D planes thingy. Die, die, die!!! Didn’t duty today(no thanks to the locked up library) but bought my delicious lunch box which consist of an egg and rice(I love eggs!!!) so I just stayed back. Sat on the bench and eventually fall asleep despite the freaking hot weather. Thought about lots of stuff as usual. Got back on 3, ate a packet of Mamee, 5 pieces of cream crackers and 1 piece of Oreo just to stay awake for 1 hour. Dozed off on my book, got up 1 hour later straight away went rope skipping. Got frustrated with the rope cause I kept on tripping it! Today overall is not so bad I guess. Tomorrow got a small test for EA.

I fell in love with this song’s lyric. Nobody’s Home by Avril Lavigne

I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn’t help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again

What’s wrong, what’s wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
It's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find what you left behind

Be strong, be strong now
too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

She wants to go home
But nobody’s home
It's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place

2007-08-05T23:16:00.000+08:00

My mind still thinking about Aya, just looked at how much the show had affected me. Went jogging in the evening in MPSJ, felt so much better when I started running. Wasn’t thinking about anything, just empty my mind and let the time passes. Talked to Foxy owner, she was walking the dog when I saw her. Felt that I’m actually not so good at talking to people, just listened to that auntie talk about Foxy and stuff. I guess I will just make this post short.

Is so different from what you wanted to do and what you are able to do,
In the end there’s only one option.

2007-08-05T00:37:00.001+08:00

在《一公升的眼泪》里，我好羡慕那十五岁的女孩有着那么强的意志力想继续活下去。但我却埋怨生存的机会，难道要等到最后一刻才懂得健康地活着是一件很幸福的事吗？

Didn’t do much today, just finish reading PS, I Love You! The husband is super cool more like heaven sent! Haha… did some accounts work only and then I watched the show that everyone talks about on 8TV! One Litres of Tears! I felt that there’s something not so quite right about that show but the whole damn storyline is enough to make me cry for days and the song is making me cry harder lah! She’s so strong, so innocent and always smiling. I really hoped that life wasn’t so hard for her. She died when she’s only 25, after 10 years struggling with that illness(Spinocerebellar Ataxia、SCA). Her name is Aya, I really envious her. She had such a strong will to continue living surrounded by her loving families, friends and boyfriend. I really hope one day when I am a qualify nurse I will be able to reach out for my patients. I really love to see the smiles on their faces as they happily walk out from the hospital. I really want to make this world a better place to live. Someday I will… Someday…

The drama got me quite hard as my mind is still thinking about her, if only I can give her my life to let her live once more. If only… As I looked up the skies at night, there are stars above. But only one is twinkling the most, was it my star? I hope so. But I can see my star is hiding behind the clouds. Too afraid to shine, too weak to shine… As I looked at the calendar, time is ticking away. But I'm still there, not moving a muscle. Just there standing hoping, hoping my dream will come true...

Ei-Jean, the show was damn good no doubt. If only it could motivates me to change myself. But I’m still who I am.

PS: Cousin was saying my ignorance/stupidity surprised her as I told her I thought that cute toy I spent RM8 for will actually shake its head when I talked to it! She also said Korean drama is making me stupid! =.=

the perfect family i dream of

2007-08-03T22:11:00.001+08:00

Moral sucks lah! I mistook some nilai for another nilai, so I guess I’m failing it! OMG! Janet you really gotta do something about this! Was rushing like mad just to get to Ei-Jean house in time, running with my flat shoes. Can’t bring camera cause I bought a small bag. Can’t wait for a camera phone lah! Reached her house then ate lunch there with her. Walked around in Pyramid and my legs hurt like mad. Saw all those clothes on sales. But still so expensive and I’m really out of cash!

Shopping with Ei-Jean was fun plus tired. Walked up and down. We got so excited when we saw the egg machines(whatever you called that), was practically screaming out loud! And I got more excited when I saw this cute thingy from one of the Korean show, me and Ei-Jean decided to get ourself 1 each. After changing some money as the cashier got no change for our RM 5. We walked to the machine and got so shocked when we realized it was 2 tokens and 1 token cost RM 4! Ei-Jean wanted to backed out but I got her to get the tokens. I got kinda disappointed I didn’t get what I wanted(but is what Ei-Jean wanted!) then Ei-Jean got the one that she dislike the most and was screaming angrily and wanted to change with me. I of course said no! Haha… Sorry my friend. I went to the ATM and withdrawn money for the first time. Was really desperate already, now I cannot brags about I never touch my bank account money anymore. =( By the way, Giant in Pyramid really HAVE to do something about their air-cond. Is more like I'm in the freezer too with all the frozen food! Me and Ei-Jean practically have to hunched to walk as the wind blowing from the air-cond is bloody cold!

Her sis fetched us home around 6 and chitchatted with her sis in car. When I git back to the empty house was actually talking to the cute toy( you see, in the show the actress got one but that thing somehow will shake the head when you talk to it)! Sadly, it didn’t turn out to be what I excepted as that thing didn’t shake its head.

I'm so dead lah, didn't really touch any work till now. Really need to do something already! Before I sink into regrets for not getting good results. Tension!!!

Thanks Ei-Jean for letting me had some fun with ya. Even know I said we were kinda different but we still will be the best pal ever!

the RM 1 ice-cream, nice but too sweet!

the only flavour i love, chocolate!!

ta da!!!

the prince and princess! ngam ngam 1 pair!

me posing with the princess

this cameras is really cool!

2007-08-03T20:18:00.000+08:00

2/8/07

Scholl was all right. Except for some REACT campaign launching thing and form 5 got pulled in to listen to some environment talk by our form 4 students! Is so boring and lame lah. Our class is so different now. Teacher not in also people around is busy doing work. I’m amazed actually. TV gave me this cupcakes with the letter J on it(terima kasih banyak-banyak lah OKU!)

Went frisbee then was so freaking tired! I was totally sleep walking and sleep playing too! Didn’t really play, was chatting away with darling. Had some fun while playing. There’s someone offered to piggyback me though. Hehe… Was damn tired and fall asleep at 11. So screw Moral lah! And I’m going out with Ei-Jean tomorrow! I’m DEAD lah! When is SPM again???

j for Janet!

2007-08-01T21:46:00.000+08:00

I’m freezing cold but still took my bath(upstairs of course) even know I’m kinda late. EA teachers are still on the pertukaran asing and it pisses me off! Is so complicated! Your mind sort of like need to turn 360 degrees just to get an answer right. I swear I will never do any business like stuff in the future! Moral was not so good either cause Janet is being emo about the format answering Moral paper in SPM. BI test sucks lah, I don’t remember that freaking woman who cut roses in The Sound Machine name! Bye bye A1 for BI.

Got back my BM paper, I got 60. Even knows people around me got higher than me but I’m not feeling the stress. I don’t know is good or bad, I just felt that I don’t feel the jealousy that used to boil up to my head so often anymore. Am I learning to let things go? After school it was pouring quite hard, thanks to Cindy and her lovely mom I no need to get all wet. But is so funny when my bag got stuck while I entered her car(I stuff EVERYTHING in my bag and I was announcing to everyone I’m going hiking!).

2007-07-31T23:02:00.000+08:00

There’s like 4 free periods today and we start our day with some school activities launching by doing some fashion shows and something else that is too lame to be seen. I was burying my head on the PS, I Love You(thanks Ei-Jean!) and occasionally lifting up my head to adjust my numb legs. No teacher actually teaches us except for Pn. Loo. And for the first time I’m not sleepy during her class! Still the guys took turns commented about my dark circle, actually I kinda freaked out for the first time when I looked at myself in the mirror today morning. I still think mine and sis dark circle somehow inherited from my mom, maybe it got worst as I'm always not getting enough sleep. Later something happens and kinda scares me but also make me realized that I’m not the only one who’s stressing out under hell lot of pressure and wanting to do better in exams. I will help you as the best I could my friend, that's my promise to you. Sorry for being so selfish sometimes...

Went to ta pao goreng pisang and stuff for lunch with Carmen and we obviously bought too much for comfort and we got sick finishing the foods as Inez and Denise and some humans helped us out. But the sambal goreng bun is nice! Just too oily and too much flour being used I guess. Simply duty for an hour then quickly chiao before Cik Balvir came walking in the library. I slept while jaga kaunter(so bertanggungjawab right?). it was drizzling so Carmen’s mom fetched us home, save the walking!

Reached home don’t know why felt so happy(oii! Percubaaan next month lah!), while I was feeling a bit sleepy quickly grabbed the skipping rope with the MP3 Yee Won lent me in my ear I started to skip for like 30 minutes! Felt like I was floating in the air with the freeness feeling only don’t know why! Later when out for dinner(maybe is cause of cousin’s birthday), she belanja her class Secret Recipe cake and got some leftover. I, auntie and cousin ate at this Bentan Kaya??? restaurant in SS 15 and the yam rice plus the roti bakar is D E L I C I O U S!! So sad lah I don’t own a camera phone or camera! Wanna take photos also cannot! And cousin was saying I’m a camwhore(I guess I am, but not so BAD lah). English test tomorrow but my head remained still on PS, I Love You! OMG!!!

me being greedy as usual.
cake of the day: chocolate banana cake. yum yum!

i'm quite a good cleaner here

2007-07-30T20:29:00.000+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday my beloved cousin Yin Ning!!!!

Today’s blog is dedicated to my closets and more like a sister cousin which will celebrates her birthday tomorrow(I scare I will be too tired tomorrow so I will just post it today!). She’s is a very funny person, cheer me up through my teenagers mood swings. I grew very close to her since i started to lived with my auntie's family and there's times I'm really glad my dad sent me here, he definately didn't make the wrong choice. She’s also the most talented artist I ever seen even know she said she’s sucks(you are not lah Yin Ning)! We love to hit and glare at each other for fun all the times, but she’s still the first person I turned for advices. She’s always thinking for other people first unlike me which makes me loves her more. Even know I always picked on her when I’m bad mood but I still love her like a sister. So, wish you had wonderful days ahead and be more brave in the future! I LOVE YOU!!! Muaks….. ^^

me and the birthday girl!

2007-07-30T02:18:00.000+08:00

I just changed my blogskin again due to some of my friends cannot load it or something. But I still loves the previous wan. =( Hope you guys can read my blog now. PLEASE be can or else I will be so dead, so much work to do just to change the blog skin!

Nothing much happens today except Frisbee game with the church people. I only reached home by foot at 8 and the journey walked back home is seriously no fun! Is kinda dark and I had to blinks my eyes few times to see some lights. But auntie didn’t say a word, don’t know I should feel relieve or sad. I did my blogskin till this hour! OMG!

I’m was kinda emo these days. Don’t know what’s up with me. Kept on have the urge to cry out loud and I did. I might think I need some pills to balance my hormone or something.

2007-07-29T02:14:00.001+08:00

Went to the study group with Ei-Jean, Xavian and Xavier. When I reached there which is 1 hour earlier before we supposed to meet up(no thanks to auntie who’s going out says to me if I don’t come down from my room at 12.30 she’s leaving me to walk there), stand in front of a bank then realized gotta buy malay newspaper so I walked to Big Bookshop. Then suddenly it rains outside, I got half wet just to get to Leo’s. I and Ei-Jean ate for a while then the guys came(they were both wearing white plus me which make Ei-Jean the only non-white. Hehe…). The whole surroundings air changes, is so …………………………….. I guess that makes sense since I’m the only one who talks like a chicken there.

After sending off Xavian for tuition at 2.30, we went to BK to study. Not so bad, at least I know how to plot the location. Haha… But I still hate ticker time! Tepat-tepat 4.30, Xavier’s mom called and off he went. I and Ei-Jean sat for a while more then off we go to the Big Bookshop then to Secret Recipe for cakes for auntie and cousin. Went home with Ei-Jean’s car pool, but got stranded outside for half an hour for not bringing the keys as auntie and cousin went out. Watched a horror movie showing on TV with auntie and she make it not scary at all by making fun of it. But I’m still gasping for air and screams over there while my auntie laughs at what I scare about. =.=

Thanks for the lesson panda lao shi.
Thanks for the study group idea Ei-Jean and for accompanying me to buy cakes.

2007-07-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

Today was no fun, the so called motivation talk is actually is some Inti College of Subang Jaya people came and promoted their business courses(Evelyn and Felicia should come instead to ganti my place lah, I was indeed bored to death). I was trying so hard to study my Sejarah(yes that’s right, I dozed off even before I finish 2 chapters due to the over comfort lying on my bed) while the people babble about business course. Then they played this cooperate wizard game(as they called it) and the questions is all business related. And they even have real prizes for the winners(each team with 5 people and the prizes is individually wan), but the stupid part is there are only 30 prizes and we definitely got more than 30 people. So I and TV didn’t play the game and let Navia, Cin, Elaine, Michelle and Vic played.

First prize: 1GB pen drive.
2nd prize: RM 20 Starbucks coffee voucher(I really wanted it so I can enjoy the freaking expensive but irresistible drinks as we do our study group there. IF I’m kind enough I might belanja my pals! =P)
3rd prize: RM 10 MacDonald voucher

And the so called my team won the first prize and my dream prize went to Rizwana team(BOOO!!! Except for Vivien lah). All the vouchers can only be use in SS15, how funny. Sejarah test was kinda scary when I can’t really remember what I studied. That’s the scariest part lah! Later I went very emo plus the pressure due to the complicating, confusing, hard to understand part of the pertukaran asing I got on somebody’s nerves(you asked for it, you got it!). Anyway, I’m not sorry about it at all. Felt even better man. Haha…

Went to the mamak with the usual gang, we all laughed and talk about only-we-know-who person. But I felt a bit left out when too many words went around the table. Evelyn left for the CC, I followed her. Guess what I went in with my school uniform and got kicked out. Gosh, do I ever read the signboards!

After changing and getting some rest I went Frisbee. The weather was fine, but USJ 8 people ffk lah! Arrgh! But we still had fun for an hour or so when the drizzle got worse I tumpang Cin’s car and came home. BI and Moral for tomorrow but I’m definitely not ready for it. HAHA…

My chest are tight, my breath are heavy.
Something is bothering me but I choose to let it be, let it free, let it go...

2007-07-26T15:04:00.000+08:00

25/07/07
当你觉得疲惫，平时让你依靠的肩膀不再像往时那么坚挺了，如果人心说变就变，给再多的时间还是挽回不了一颗死了的心。
当人生变得很复杂时，连心想结束一切也需要一定的勇气，胆小的我只好学会享受这成长的过程。

Class was quite fun today too, EA teacher was teaching us about pertukaran asing then as talking about ren min bi. She didn’t know how to pronounce it then Chuong Wei and Wilson was pronouncing it fluently in our perfect Chinese slang then the whole class laughed as teacher still can’t pronounce it right. BI teacher was talking about self-esteem, and someone said I’m always in the center of attention, in a bad way. And someone told me too that a lot of people dislike me. I know I’m always very busybody, irritating, and lacking of attention. That’s my bad, I will try and change, even knows it takes forever…

Math teacher didn’t come so the whole class went gila as usual, and including me. Tomorrow got some motivation talk and PD quiz before recess. It will be a looooong boring day as Evelyn and Felicia decided not to go to school(of course I don’t expect Taryna to come to school either). Got 3 chapters of Sejarah to study, plan to stay up the whole night(nap 2 hours in the afternoon) and cousin already went upstairs to sleep at 12, downstairs are all clear except me and the hamsters. =.= Let’s just see how long I can last.

SPM: NOV 12-DIS 5(say bye bye to my dream to celebrate birthday happily lah, Ei-Jean you syok lah you =P)!

Thanks Ei-Jean for being a good accompany as I went through my emo period.
Thanks Yee Won for making me realized that my world is not that bad after all. Our world would turn out fine someday as hopes will never leave you if you keep hold on that, trust me.

2007-07-24T21:11:00.002+08:00

It was still raining(is it???) when I woke up this morning, after sleepily thinking whether I should wet myself or not, I have decided to bath upstairs! Hehe… Felt so good with the hot water man, I don’t even feel like leaving the toilet.

School was REALLY crazy today, everyone in my class practically went high above the sky! There’s so much going on lah and the guys in my class started talking in the fa language(I wonder I’m pronouncing it right), it’s drives me nuts cause I don’t understand wth are they actually talking about! And there’s a lot of saliva spitting occurs and you won’t want to see it trust me. I was sitting in Feli’s lap then all in sudden U-Jean came and pinched my face and the next thing we know is we were pinching each other face! Wahaha… I went ponteng in 5T for 2 periods and got all crazy with Ei-Jean, I taught her a new way of torturing act and we tried it on a few people and the funniest was Xavian. Ei-Jean was doing the torture act then Xavian just selamba only then she asked him how he felt then he said pain lah! But he said he didn’t scream/shout because he’s a boy mah(ya lah, we know) then he went and did the monkey-scratching-body act(not in purpose i think)! Hahaha… Then me and TV were playing some stupid hand pointing game and are really dumb and funny! We don’t even know what we were doing and I kinda went crazy in the class(as usual).

I skipped duty but went lunch with Carmen, no one unlock the library lah so ponteng saja lah. Came home I got so freaking sleepy lah, kept falling asleep for god knows how many times! And I think I got a very mild flu, so syok! Haha… So long didn’t get flu/sore throat already(I must be crazy enough to love getting flu/ sore throat).

2007-07-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

After becoming a Malaysian citizen since I was born, today only I realized that when we renew passport we need to pay around RM300++(thanks for the general knowledge Evelyn). Done 2 exams today, I guess I’m fine with BM( I don’t know whether is fine or not when I left out 3/7 questions of peribahasa and tembak 2/10 bina ayat questions). PD totally sucks, don’t wanna talk about it. And tomorrow got Accounts exam, OMG! Somebody PLEASE help me!!!

And guess what, I spent my whole afternoon plus evening doing a karangan that is not even homework till 50 minutes from now on when I went and make cute faces to auntie so I could boil water for bathing. Actually I can just bath hot water upstairs but that bathroom is so freaky! Guess what, I screw up while boiling water and cause it to spill(because I was smart enough to fill up the whole kettle) and I have to bath with that not so hot water. Now my head is just spinning round and round as if laughing at my stupidity, I felt like someone had just dipped me into a bucket of water and left me freezing to death in Genting! And I still got accounts to study plus that stupid karangan! Oh, I need more HELP!!!

2007-07-22T19:56:00.001+08:00

虽然知道篇出来的谎言会伤害到人心，但还是控制不了，就这样我又多了一个去不了天国的理由。。。

Don’t know what’s up with me, had been sneezing since I woke up(maybe someone is talking bad about me, who ah?!!! And I’m still sneezing now. =.=). Gosh. Lunch was really like buffet, all the leftover food plus fresh food added all together got 8 types! Haha.

Just finishing my delayed accounts home work in the afternoon. We supposed to have Frisbee game with USJ 8 people but it had been raining since 1! Later at 4 is still drizzling but the game didn’t cancel, I walked out the house while I called Yee Won. She said her mom don’t let her out, I got a little frustrated. So I just stand under the rain while making my mind, in the end after realizing there’s so little people going and my auntie and grandma need me to help out in the kitchen cooking my favourite hakka dish. I decided to turn back(I’m so, so, so sorry panda and everyone there waiting for me under the rain. I truly apologize here).

Once I reached home, auntie summoned me to help out in the kitchen. Cousin is busy with assignments so I, auntie and grandma get busy making the dish. This dish is called suan pan zi(that’s what my grandma called it, and only she can make me eat two bowls of that dish!), till now I can only eat it when my grandma make it, I don’t find it outside. That makes me asking for more of this during dinner time. Haha.

this is all mine!!!

grandma caught cooking my favourite dish.

before cooking.

2007-07-22T00:32:00.000+08:00

有时并不是我们不知道，只是我们觉得假装欺骗自己会更好，不是吗？
有太多话想说，但总是找不到正确的字来形容自己内心的那一根刺，不是吗？
到了呼吸停止的那一刻我们将会失去所拥有的一切，不是吗？

Went to Subang Parade for a while then there’s this 2 fella, 1 holding microphone another one holding a video camera outside the entrance. Me and cousin quickly walk passed them but they stopped us and it goes like this.

“Would you mind if we just ask you a few questions?”
“Err… What is this for?”
“Is a survey, we are the NTV 7 crew. We are just doing a survey, it won’t take long, if you don’t know the answers just say you don’t know. Is ok.”
“Err… does it involves the video camera too?”
“Yeah, haha… it involves the video camera.”
“Then never mind lah. Is ok. Sorry.”

OMG lah, I don’t even know what I’m talking about! Of course it involves the video camera! We had dinner in Parkway and the yam basket is delicious! And again I didn’t do much work and I got 5 tests to take next week. Watched One Tree Hill at night, cried my heart out. The show just got that thing to make me cry and jump in joys lah! All the best to myself! I will be spending half of my day with Frisbee game tomorrow together with USJ 8 people again. And waste another quarter of my day getting the effects for running around half of the football field just for the fun of the game. I seriously need more luck(and whitening lotion??)! Anyway, can't wait to sweat it out!

It feels nice to hold po po’s hands. It had been a very long time ever since I hold her. Am I just that selfish? I not sure I’m nice to her for the good girl image or just doing what I wanted. It had been even long time ever since I hold daddy’s hands. I miss being a kid sometimes, when you no need a reason to hold someone’s hand. The hand on hand contact is what you need to know you are not alone in this cruel world.

2007-07-20T18:01:00.003+08:00

Thought I will be sleeping early yesterday, I ended up sleeping at 1.30! Got up feeling like shit. So tired lah! And I got exam later, plus I’m not all that ready. I slept during BI class get to study a bit. Science test is really crap lah! I don’t know if I can even get A1! There’s this 2 question with 2 marks each asking about the coin, first diagram asked what will happen when the cardboard with the coin is pulled off. Another diagram showing what will happen if 1 stack of coins in between 1 coin got pushed out by a ruler! And guess what my answer is. The coins will fall down because of its inertia stationary maintains its motion IN A STRAIGHT LINE! Wtf! Teacher said: Aiyoh, Wen Sin ah. The coin is stationary how to move in a straight line. If you didn’t wrote in a straight line I will give you 2 marks. =( Everyone, this is what I called study blindly. And that is just what I did most of the time!

One of my main bullier(Taryna)is considering plucking my hands hair as a hobbies already! Gosh, and Evelyn joined her and pulled till so painful! WTH man! T.T

Afternoon Feli came and taught me Accounts. Thanks for your time Feli! Appreciate it a lot!!! ;-)

Xavier passed me this IMU courses guide book or something like that(thanks panda!). After some hard thinking I realized I don’t have the main qualities to become a nurse. =(
Some people asked me what I wanted to become I said a nurse then their replies iis:

“Janet, you becoming a nurse!!! Just tell me what hospital you gonna work in. Then I will never enter that hospital EVER!”
“OMG lah Janet, you can or not wan? Later sure see you in the front page in the newspaper 1 day for accidentally killing a patient of yours.”
“I tell you, if that patient is those that need life support if you just tripped over the wires means gone case lah. You so clumsy!”
“Wah… If I see you in a hospital next time and you are going to handle me I sure straight away ask to change nurse loh.”
“Later people want you to inject on the hand you inject on the butt.”
“I will never let you handle my kids loh next time even know the whole hospital don’t have other nurses already.”

I really don’t mind they said like that. I know everyone just joking around only(I think). But I honestly can’t convince myself about the whole taking nursing idea. Sometimes I thought is my only choice since you no need to pay a single sens also if you got the sponsorship. Is my only way out if I wanna get a diploma when my auntie first mention it to me when I’m form 4, I’m definitely not good enough to get scholarship. I love helping people but how far can the satisfactions by that carry me through the rest of my life as a nurse??? There’s a HUGE price to pay if I stop halfway through the sponsorship, I really can’t risk it. I asked my cousin.

“Eh, honestly lah, I’m not kidding here. You really think I suitable to become a nurse?”
“Errr… Can gua. You just have to be more careful loh. Just double check everything you suppose to do lah.”

But she sounds kinda forceful when she said those. Haih…

2007-07-19T19:50:00.001+08:00

School was boring with all the minggu kerjaya talks going on, when people gave talk in front I was doing maths at the back. =P Today only got 1 period of class which is E.A. Pn. Siti Rose insists to teach! Of course exams(BM and PD)got cancel as usual, I didn’t even study PD lah! Lucky me…

I will just keep this blog short lah, I’m dead tired right now. Just finish dinner after the friendly match with USJ 8 people at the USJ 12 public field there. Walked there and walked home with some members. I think my legs I going to come off from my body any soon. The game was fun, since I so long didn’t play already. The guys play well loh and the girls are cool too! Hope can do this more often, can released some stress. I shouted till my throat a bit sore now(damn semangat lah me. Ceh…). And the sun is damn active, so hot man! it did drizzle a bit but still I play till my face looked like tomato. Haha... But now i can hear thunder outside. Swtz...

I got science exam tomorrow but I haven’t study yet! Oh god… Help me!!!

Thanks for the ice-cream when i desperately needing it darling and panda for switching the ice-cream with me! Hehe…

errrr...???

everyone looked good except me...

the guys playing...

the ice-cream gang.

captain posing with ice-cream.

Chia looking cool with the huge spec. Haha...