First day of posting, the ward was not that busy which is a good thing. But I still felt kinda tired. Don't know why. Now struggling to finish my 2000 words assignment which is killing me as I cut down my sleeping time to do this! Tired... It was raining heavily, by the time I finished my work, it still drizzling. The weather makes me wish that I have a water heater at home.

Have been doing a lot of thinking lately, I wonder where will I be after I achieved what I wanted to achieve. I bet it felt empty. Who knows... Is not like I will be able to do so. Will have to work hard. My dream is to do volunteer work in the poor countries or during any disaster. To work in a team, the best medical team ever. Even when I'm thinking about it there's a feeling like a rush of blood to all over my body.

I want to live a life with no regret. I want to live a life that I would die for it. I want to live a life the way I planned. I want so many things that sometimes I wonder do I really want it after all...

I hate it when I have to leave! It hurts so much even know it have been so long already. Is weird thinking that I will be able to get used to this. But in the end I will still ended up crying to my dreams...

You kissed my forehead and asked me not to work so hard. It makes me want to just hold on to you forever. I know it will scares you to see me so fragile, so I just keep it all bottle up till the moment when you turn around and as tears filled my eyes.

Love you mom~

It have been so long since I ever posted anything here. Anyway, nobody reads my blog and I don't understand why I bother to post this even. Now I'm practically staring at the blank page in my lappie and basically trying to restrain myself from screaming out loud! I really got no idea on what to do about my assignment. I think I got all my ideas poured out on my previous group work that I practically got nothing to write for this. We are not used to passing up 1000++ words of assignment, all our previous assignments were presentation and presentation only. Suddenly we gotta write 1000++ words, so I think you know how we feels.

Anyway, is my last 6 months already. Time really flies. I think is going too fast already. Really dreading it. Scare of the work responsibility if a staff nurse and scare of leaving without the people I lived with for 3 years. It will be a drastic change that I gotta adapt to it. Guess life goes on. Just have to accept it like what JY love to say.

I will be going for management posting for 7 weeks and I got 2 weeks of night shift! =( Is not like I don't enjoy the extra 3 days of from the night shift, is just that is really tiring. And the time is too long that it can be boring sometimes. If working with not-so-angel-like staff nurse it will be totally miserable only. Just gotta cross my fingers. A bit worry about achieving 100% for all the cross since is the last time we will be going for posting. I can foresee the 7 weeks will be a stressful one.

Sometimes I wish I only got 1 home...

You know I really admire those people who can say they found the love of their life, the fact that they are so certain of the love of their life really amazed me. I really hate myself for not feeling this way when I'm with you. I know you won't and never will read this but all I wanted to say was I'm sorry. I really don't know how to tell you to just let it all go straight away but I really hope you would just let go. I don't deserve anyone right now, I'm just not ready give commitment in a relationship. I'm sorry that it did not turn out the way you want it to be.

Life is so different already. In another year or so i will be graduating. Can't say that I'm very excited with that as the workload will be increase followed by the stress level. Just pray that I can cope with all those.

Let's just see which department I have been to for the past 2 years.
Ward posting: It has a lot to learn and it involved a lot of stress if you ended up working alone. So you gotta do all the call bells, sponging, feeding the patients, taking the I/O chart, changing diapers etc. Let's just say is tough but if the patients tends to smile and love what you are doing for them it was all worth it.

Emergency Department: So it was called an EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT for a reason. But the week I was posted there nothing emergency happened. I know I should be happy but I kinda hoping for the adrenaline rush. It was busy there but not for the long term as patients usually just go back after meeting the doctors or admitted to the ward. I got a chance to be inside the ambulance as the ambulance crew patiently explained to me all about it plus his experiences but I didn't get a chance to go for a ride(another disappointment).

Nursery: Is all about babies! NEWBORN babies! They were just cute. We got to bath and feed the babies. But still I have ti add that most newborn really does looked the same. Only they were skin differences, you know what I mean.

ICU: is so hard to see them suffer. Really it does. But my week there so patient passed away or anything code blue happen. It does happened but it was my day off. My friend got to performed CPR. So it save me from emotional breakdown.

And a lot more actually but I am just too lazy. Sometimes I felt so left out. I don't know is due to what I am doing that left me with no time to socialize or what. But 9 out of 10 staff nurse told me your social life just went down to the drain after you become qualified. I can understand what they mean since I'm already feeling the 0 life NOW!!!
Is like I don't know anyone else other than nurses. Is so pathetic. I sometimes regret my high school life for not getting to know people more. Anyway, with my tight rules in order to make us discipline make it more difficult for mt to go out. Posting always left me exhausted. During block which is class is always filled with assignments. God! I ain't got no life.
So, whoever friend who sort of read my blog(which is so rare). Please ask me out k.

I have meet up with Evelyn on Tuesday, had a fun time catching up. Laughed my ass off for god knows how long with her. Pei Yin is not coming for a visit already, she supposed to come on Thursday then we can go skating! But now the whole thing was canceled because her grandma was admitted to the hospital so she has to balik kampung for a while. Haih… I miss her. Hope everything went well with her. I'm not sure when I will be able to see her again.

I’m will be moving in to the hostel next Tuesday, daddy will be coming to help me with the moving in. I seriously don’t know what to expect but I’m expecting the worst. 8 person in an apartment, 2 bathrooms, no washing machine, don’t know whether got fridge or not. I got no idea whether there’s even someone there who I can be friends with. Everything is so scary suddenly! Seriously, I don’t used to be this scare when I came to school on my own during form 1. But I not sure what college can be when everyone is taking the sponsorship to study and I bet is going to be a little competitive. Omfg! I’m such a kiasu some more. How am I going to survive especially I got no bloody pure science background! But still I didn’t regret for taking art stream lah, if not I don’t think I can score like 5 A’s for SPM.

Conclusion: I’m scare to death for what’s going to happen next Tuesday!!! =(

Ok. I have made up my mind. I’m going for the Pantai sponsorship, but sadly Pei Yin won’t be studying with me. Her dad forces her to go for the government hospital sponsorship which she applied earlier on. Gonna miss her a lot, she told me the offer will be sending her to somewhere in Seremban for training, so not too far away. Maybe once in a while we can go have study group together!

My guarantor problem also solved, my dad wanna be part of it since I needed two guarantors. Auntie will be the first one but my dad is not eligible to be my guarantor for some reason so I gotta go and asked my half bro for help and thank god he willing to help me out even know I not sure whether he’s actually wanted to help at all. He asked me tons of questions abut it, he seems quite unconvinced, like I’m going to run away or something and will result him paying the RM50 000. Man, I really gotta study like a mad cow to score well. I heard if you fail your exams you need to pay certain amount. Wth! Starting to stress about it already but I still can’t wait for college to start. Is just that Pei Yin won’t be around so I will have to do the friend-making routine all over again. Haih… will be moving in to the hostel on the registration date which is 1 July. I will be staying there for 3 years, luckily my dad will be coming to help me move all my stuff there so I don’t have to bother my auntie. Ei-Jean said I will be missing my auntie and cousin which I thought at first is ridiculous but now I only left around a week here I starting to feel the sadness of leaving already. I have been staying here for so 6 years already. Wow. I can’t believe time passes so fast and now I will be going to college already!

I have stop working last Thursday, felt kinda weird having so much time on my own now but I will be busy meeting up with my friends and also packing my stuff.

I went out with Ei-Jean to Mid Valley, ate in some Chinese restaurant that left us with a freaking full stomach! We can barely even walk then I dared her to watch Long Khong with me and in the end I watched 1 hour of the movie and she only watched half an hour. Damn smart lah she, use my bag to cover herself which I joined her later also. Haha. Damn disgusting lah the show! We should have watch something more worth our money loh. Regret already lah. Haha.

I went for a karaoke session with Guo Qing, Chia and Mayjee and it was all fun. We sang like crazy but it was not enough! It felt such a short while only. Damn sad lah!

I happened to have a half day on(dunno which last, last or last, last, last) Saturday so I told auntie that I’m going to treat her for a dinner. We went to this Vietnam restaurant, the interior design is so cool! The food was great too but in the end uncle paid for it. My auntie insisted that so… Haha.

Guess I know I haven’t been updating for a loooonnnnngggggg time… I just got a little lazy loh. So where should I start….

I got rejected from Sunway Medical, and went for Assunta’s interview and did fucking badly, I even told them my family got Hepatitis B history and they asked me to go for a medical test then only go back to them. Even know I love their uniform but nah, no thanks! I went for Pantai Medical interview and I did quite ok but the most important thing is I known this girl from Kuantan, her name is Pei Ying. I introduced her to Gleneagles hospital interview which they already accepted us, we meet up and did our medical test together and I passed the medical test but they asked me to get some Hepatitis B vaccine cause my antibodies level were too low!!! But she didn’t, I think because of her anemia problem… =(

Next week I’m off to Pantai medical test, more choices for me to choose. Not to mention more money to spent to get there and paying for the medical test! Pantai accept us both again but Pei Ying going to do her medical test later. I can’t wait for her to do it, I really do hope that we can study together since me and her kinda click! Haha.

Working has never been more tiring, actually it depends on my mood. But nowadays is kinda tired… Gotta stop working in 2 weeks time! Have to go back to Penang before college reopen, just saying college I also felt very high! I’m going back to study again. Is just that sometimes when I saw people holding books and walked by I really hope I can study again! Didn’t know I really enjoy studying that much.

It feels nice to have someone there for you…